Bites

small bites of reality are what I am focusing on today. Small bites of anything would be progress at this point. With the gradual reemergence of chin number three which had disappeared leaving chins one and two hanging out on their own, its time to really slap my self silly and get out of my "damn it all to hell mode". Still, I am not starting completely until Monday, partially due to the said party I am attending and partially due to what MF food I have on hand and when I will be able to order my next shipment. That doesn't mean I am ordering cheddar crisps and tenderloins for breakfast, nosiree...I had a fiber plus bar and a yogurt so far today and have been journaling. Funny how millions of studies and thousands of weight loss gurus have hocked the idea that a food journal is key in weight loss success and I only choose to partially listen. I choose to journal like a 12 year old babbling about Beiber fever in her diary in the early stages of the program and then when I know I've eaten something I shouldn't I stop journaling. Which is like lying to myself. My ass knows that the cupcake was inhaled, but part of me thinks that if I fail to write it down, my mind will forget about it. Yeah, that's really not the point. The point of journaling is so you can visually SEE everything you put in your mouth and say, "WHOA mule." Before you do too much damage. Like 20 pounds of damage, which is what I fear I've done. And that perhaps is the cold hard, raw truth of this. I was within what 10 pounds of my original goal and I may have just set myself back three months because of what? I dunno. Boredom. A case of mild-depression. Stress. A combination of all of it? I'm not sure. Yeah, I know, read my workbooks, focus on a chapter. Find alternatives to dealing with my "issues" that don't involve eating. Easier said than done.
So, today my Fiber PLus bar, which is the coconut one that totally tastes like those chocolate coconut girl scout cookies, had 120 calories, 4 grams of fat 10 net carbs and 2 grams of protein. Yogurt 110 cals, no fat, 20 carbs 6 protein. I will be doing my damndest today to have a good lunch. I'm thinking a salad from subway, sans dressing. It will be challenging, as we have leftovers from Working Womens's, which features all kinds of munchies, dips, crackers, etc, which are the foods I love that I have trouble with. Honestly, I can avoid the sweets. I can ignore candy, cake, cookies. I can ignore pizza, french fries, cheese balls. But, put out a dip of some sort with chips, cheese and crackers and little smokies and I cave like Charlie Sheen at a crack house.
I managed to avoid any and all coverage of the Royal Wedding on TV this morning. I will admit that I looked up a few pictures on line. Kate looked stunning. I wanted to give her sister Pippa a sandwich. She looked fabulous, but I'm sure her hip bones could carve a roast.
I realized I am going straight to hell, because as I'm absorbing the coverage of the tornadoes in the south, all I can think of is the Jeff Foxworthy bit that talked about how when covering storm damage in the south, there is always the one woman on television in her pink sponge rollers and house coat saying, "I saw her trailer fly away and all I could think of was Caroline still has my casserole dish!" Yep, I will burn a little extra for that one.
I swear to all that is holy if I have to watch anymore coverage of the NFL draft, I will throw my husband through the television. (Yes, i realize yesterday was only the first round and that it will be on all freakin weekend, but seriously...we've watched 8 fucking weeks of "Path to the Draft" which is like any other sports show---a bunch of idiots in suits who know nothing talking and speculating on stuff they cannot predict and if they manage to guess correctly they talk about how they are "MAsters of the Universe," and if they don't guess it correctly, the lament the owners and coaches and call them idiots.) Honestly, I think I get dumber just by being in the same room with that drivel on.