Here's to a better 2011...

Not that I can truly complain about 2010. In looking back, I had a pretty damned good year. Lots of memories made and good times with friends. Annual trip to the Ozarks is always good. We made it to the State Fair for a few days with the kids. Went to Chicago and Cancun this fall/winter. I got a new (to me) car. We updated some of the appliances at the Christensen ranch...and I lost 56 pounds. (At one point...but enough about the gain, as it will come off again, and then some.)
When truly thinking about having a better 2011, I wonder how it could be better than my 2010? Here's how it can be better....I can get these last 20 or so (okay 30) pounds off and keep it off. I can actually stick with an exercise program. Program being every other day, at a minimum, for at least 45 minutes. I can get to my goal, get some sculpting done and go get our celebratory tattoos with the inner circle. (yes girls...we still need to do that.) I can go to Puerta Vallarta (I don't have a whole lot of control over that, that's on Big D's shoulders....) We can go back to Chicago.. (actually I think that's in the pipes already for June) I can go back to being blonde...well blonder than I am. I feel better blonde (er). One more thing I can do to make 2011 better...continue this blog...it keeps me sane and hopefully it brightens your day, on occasion.
Here's to a very happy, safe, secure, skinny and prosperous New Year to you all stalker friends! Love ya!

Epic

failure...that pretty much sums up what my December was. It started out fantastically and is ending dismally. I had a goal, I had a plan, i had a program that was working, I was in the zone. I had started this blog, i had won a challenge, I was making this my bitch. THEN, my booze laden binge started in Mexico and quite honestly, hasn't stopped. HAD I stayed 100% on plan since winning my challenge, I should have been at goal getting into my dreamy size 10's, hitting an all new low on the scale and could have/would have lost 12 more pounds, instead, I have gained about that much...that's a 24 pound swing. That is pathetic.
I have started back on plan, it's difficult, but after trying to put on a pair of jeans this morning that fit perfectly one month ago and now, lets just say, don't fit so perfectly, it will be worth it.
The size large shirts that I bought back in October and put in the "Christmas fund" thinking, gee these might even be a bit baggy, are not at all baggy...same with the tall black boots that were just a little tight on my huge ass calves. I bought them in October thinking these will no longer be tight in December..guess what...they are still tight..
New year coming time for new goals....
1) Get back to my Dec. 1 weight by Feb.1
2) Instead of trying to win the grand champion prize in the muffin top contest, get rid of some of the bulge.
3) Get back to the basics...for the first 6 weeks or so on plan I lived on chicken and shrimp fajitas...I love chicken and shrimp fajitas..Why am I not eating chicken and shrimp fajitas?
4) Put the fat jeans away for good.
5) Exercise daily
6) By Valentine's Day, I want to be rocking a pair of size 10's.
7) By St. Patrick's Day I want to be in transition.
Rewards
1) When I hit #1, I will buy some salon time
2) When I hit #6 I will purchase the coveted size 10's and I will pay full price for them.
3) When I hit #7 I will do it correctly. I will be the skinny bitch.
Tip:
If you are one of those people who cannot leave the peanut butter alone, buy the little JIF to go packs. They are portion controlled and if you eat the whole little container, oh well...its one serving. I cannot be trusted with a spoon and a jar of JIF, the little to go packs are a life saver...

And now for some more

Since I decided to start off my day with a bitchy rant about what's bugging me, I'll continue.
I think I half ass understand MTV's reasoning behind shows like Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant. They want to show girls the reality of teen pregnancy, and how its not easy, but in reality, what they're doing is GLAMORIZING it...the "stars" of these shows are all over magazine covers, on the nightly entertainment shows and are on the front page of every msn/aol and yahoo home page. So when 16 year old Peggy Sue finds her self pregnant she doesn't think, "this shouldn't happen. I can't handle this. Let's give the baby up for adoption." She thinks, "Boo-ya! I'm gonna be on TV and I'm going to be famous!" I don't care if its a ratings win MTV, enough...there is nothing glamorous about being knocked up at 16, so stop making young girls think its cool. (For that matter, there is really nothing glamorous about being knocked up at 34, either...pregnant and glamor do not belong in the same sentence.)
FOR THE RECORD...I am neither 34 nor knocked up, for any of you trying to draw conclusions from that last statement.
For you Hawkeye fans who made fun of us Cyclone fans when WE made the Insight Bowl...a bowl win is still a bowl win, right??? Oh and did you hear the one where Iowa City is going to an all dirt field so the players can't smoke the grass or snort the lines? (Hee hee hee...FOR THE RECORD, I attended a Hawkeye Bowl party and I even wore a hawkeye sweatshirt, so don't be a hater because I'm pointing out the obvious and poking fun.) Having to wear such foreign attire is probably the cause of today's bitchiness. (I'm certain its the cause of the strange rash that has appeared)
Dear maker of childrens' toys..for the love of all things holy do you really need to not only sew the Taylor Swift singing doll to her box, but also put three different zip ties on her various body parts and then attach two small plastic thingys with screws? FOR FUCK SAKES DUDE its a DOLL not a nuclear war head!!!! I propose that all toys in which tools are required to just get them out of the Godforsaken box, come with said tools. It's like the whole put your own furniture thing together. If it needs and Allen wrench, it should come with an Allen wrench.
Whew....I'm starting to fell better...as you were....

Ranting

Pardon me for going off topic today, but you know what? It's my blog...I can write about whatever I want to write about...and off topic being not related to "lifestyle change." Its one of those days where I need to stop thinking about it/obsessing about it and just "live" it.
Off topic bitch number one...I'm sorry honey, but if you come home drunk/tipsy and I don't automatically offer you a wild 'roll in the hay', it doesn't mean that I am being a bitch, or that I am mean. I apologize, if 'Come here and hop on,' doesn't make me swoon....
Off topic bitch number two...I really cannot stand people who think EVERYONE else in the world hangs on their every move, every word, every action, every reaction. Let me tell you this sweetie, my world does not revolve around you, in fact, I hardly know you, so why, pray tell, do you think you need to question/or explain anything and everything you've done/said or heard in the last two years? This is not junior high and we are not in Genoa City, so stop acting like you're 13 and get out of the Young and the Restless....you have absolutely no impact on my life other than to annoy the holy hell out of me, today. I really cannot think of much that interests me less than you and your sex life.
Off topic bitch number three...because (see bitch number one) I am evidently a really mean, cold, bitch, I laid as far over on my side of the bed as I could and refused to move all night, thus my left shoulder/side of my back is killing me....knife wrenching pain....and I have no ibuprofen in my purse because someone, who shall remain nameless (MY HUSBAND) took it out of my purse.
Off topic bitch number four...my house is an absolute disaster, it still looks like Santa's elves threw up and the rest of my family seems completely unaware of it. They sit there in their own little pig stys, dropping candy wrappers on the floor, leaving soda bottles on the coffee table and dropping their dirty socks and wet towels wherever they feel like it. And I have not had time to do much about it, other than to sweep my kitchen floor, wipe down the counters and wash the dishes. I threatened both of my offspring before leaving the house this morning and if nothing has improved by the time I get home, I have absolutely no qualms about destroying some of their new found Christmas treasures.
(I thought day number three of "induction" (meaning starting over on plan) was supposed to be the crabby, bitchy, brutal day? Hmmm...guess my family is in for a real treat the next 48 hours!!!!)
Here's hoping my mood improves and I stop bitching...soon..even I am getting tired of my attitude!

Day one: Part Deaux

That's it! I'm done, I don't care if it's Dec. 28 or Jan.1. Today is the day, I start over. I'm sick of myself, my fat pants are getting tight. I had gotten to the point where I could throw all of my jeans in the dryer and not worry about it, last night, I laid them out to dry. WHY? WHY I SAY???? Why do I let myself fall back into old habits so easily? I guess because it is easy. It's easy to grab whatever is at hand and stuff it in your face. It's easy to sit on the couch and veg instead of working out. It's easy to go buy bigger pants instead of working at getting back into the smaller ones. (thank God I haven't done that yet.) It's easier to order pizza than it is to cook a healthy, balanced meal.
Here's the thing...I don't want to be easy anymore. I want to get my energy level back instead of sleeping for 12 hours and feeling like I could sleep some more. I want this marshmallowey feeling to go away. I want to crave vegetables again and not bread, pasta and crackers.
New Year's plans or not, (which at this point is an invitation for an early dinner and drinks, which we haven't decided whether or not to do) I don't care, today is my day one again. I had a mocha shake for breakfast, I have oatmeal 'brewing' (which means softening) I have chili in the fridge and I have chili cheese puffs for a snack, or a brownie, depending on what I feel like. I have blue hake in the freezer which I will cook on my new little George. (I've had a George for a few years, but it's ginormous. I wanted one that I could fix my little piece of fish or chicken breast on, not one that I could grill a side of beef on, which was approximately the size of my old one.) I have a bag of broccoli steamers in the freezer. I have a plan.....If you fail to plan, you plan to fail....I will say a prayer over the wine I pour down the drain later tonight..(this I might not do...I may put it in an ice cube tray and freeze it for future sangria, it seems much less wasteful). I WILL say a prayer over the cookies and candies that are going directly into the burn barrel. I won't let me get me....

In my head

holiday means "excuse to eat/drink whatever you want." It makes me wonder whose bright idea it was to make all holiday gatherings revolve around food. Take my mother's house, for example...we had and I am NOT exaggerating here, EIGHT different dips and or cracker spreads, summer sausage and cheese, pickled herring, a relish tray, 3 different kinds of snack/chex mix, oreo balls, peanut butter balls, homemade caramels, three different kinds of cookies and eight different kinds of wine. There were only 11 of us there and three of us, are children. AND that was before dinner and desert...I am going to be brutally honest here, I didn't even look at the relish tray. I drank two bottles of wine, by myself. I had two dinner rolls. Even our "vegetable" was a carb, as mom made corn. Did I stop eating and pull my head out of the cracker box after that? Hell no...that night, we snacked on left over "snacky stuff" from mom's for supper. THEN on Sunday, we had dinner at my mother in law's. Turkey, stuffing, potatoes, rolls, and yes, mint brownies and 4 layer desert....for supper last night, popcorn and m&m's....Today, my hair is greasy, my jeans are tight, I have a headache and I'm for lack of a better word..."puffy" in fact, I feel like the Michelin man.
There is absolutely NO reason why I cannot make today my new "day 1" other than the fact that half of my brain is saying, "Nope, you said Jan. 1 you were going to start over on Jan. 1, not Dec, 27, so Jan. 1 it is, eat that remaining cracker and dip combo and drink the rest of that wine and do like 90% of the rest of the general public and start fresh on Jan. 1."
Its not like we've even planned anything for New Year's Eve, in fact, we don't typically go out because there are too many cops hanging around, but on the off chance we might go somewhere and do something, I don't want to be restricted....meanwhile, I'm sitting here restricted because my clothes are tight and I feel like shit....such is my inner battle, the battle I always have....my head knows what it's supposed to eat...I KNOW how to do this...I just wish my head would tell the rest of me to follow suit...

Things I'm not used

to hearing... "If you keep it up, you're going to waste away." "I almost didn't recognize you." "Where did the other half of you go?" "Seriously, you're like a twig." "Hey there Skinny Mini," These are all things that I have heard in the last week.
Ummmmm, no I won't waste away, my skinny jeans are cutting into the muffin top I still have and are to the point of needing to go back in the drawer for a few weeks. (I continue to wear the skinny jeans in hopes that I will put the cookie down and back away from the table)
Ummmmm, pretty sure I actually LOOK the same, just two less chins and a different shade of blonde. (However, I look in the mirror and still see two extra chins, so I am POSITIVE, I look the same.)
Ummm....I have not lost half of me. IF I were to lose half of me (which quite honestly, half of my starting weight is within my "healthy weight range") my mother would want to hospitalize me and people would be forcing me to ingest Cheez Whiz via I.V. While consciously I know I have lost a good amount of weight...there are days I struggle to see that I have lost an ounce.)
Ummmm...twig and Jill never belong in the same sentence, UNLESS the sentences are "I bought this at Twigs," or "If I sat on you I would snap you like a twig." or "Mess with my children and I will snap you like a twig." or "I need another twig to get this campfire lit." (I think when people use twig to describe my weight loss, its that yes, my legs look a lot skinnier than they used to be...I still have the above referenced muffin top, I still have underarm fat that jiggles, I still have "backfat" that could probably be measured like a side of pork and I still have an ass that jiggles when I attempt to run.)
Ummm...Skinny Mini, nope...not me at all. I wear a double digit pant size, I am still not comfortable admitting to anyone, other than my coach, my husband and my mother what I actually do weigh, I do not enjoy exercise, I do not eat like a skinny person when given free reign over a menu. I am not a skinny mini. While the reference is somewhat flattering, skinny minis wear single digit sizes, do not have a gut that hangs over the top of their jeans, have no trouble telling people what they weigh, enjoy some sort of exercise, at least every other day and eat like a skinny person, faithfully ordering a vegetable, a lean meat and skipping the bread basket...SO NOT ME....(in fact up until the last few pounds lost, I hadn't even told my husband what I weighed.)
These phrases are flattering and I hope some day I get used to them, but dieting/changing your lifestyle and battling with yourself over what to or not to eat or when to exercise is such a mind fucking that I think it may take me longer to adapt to a new way of thinking than it will take to adapt to exercise or skipping the bread.