Enemy lines

I am my own worst enemy. I am my own worst enemy. Say it with me people, loud and proud...I am my own worst enemy. It's not the pizza or the pasta or the chocolate bar or the onion chips I fight with, its me...my head my brain...just me. Now, that's not to say that some days I don't feel like the Chris Farley Lunch Lady with life sized slices of pizza and ice cream dancing around me, screaming, "Stuff me down your pie hole!" But in all honesty, I don't crave these particular things. I simply crave whatever is there, whatever is available and I know that when I have these cravings, its not my stomach I am feeding, its something else. It's boredom, loneliness, lack of sleep, lack of se...naw, we won't go there, but you get the idea.

Now don't get me wrong, I know there are people out there that have serious cravings for certain things. (You know who you are, you're the ones that if your heads were cracked open a million little Hershey bars would come running out.) But here's the thing, if you are staying 100% honest to this plan, you will not crave these things. And if you do, you are simply craving the motion you go through, perhaps the E-motion connected to having that Hershey bar or you're needing to feed something else. The trick is figuring out WHAT you need to feed and how you need to feed it.

Now, I know that I'm sounding all wise and all knowing here and you're thinking, "Sure easier said than done, Sweetcheeks!" And I know it's easier said than doen because I struggle with this every day too. Just last night I struggled. It was 11:00, I had been in bed for a good hour, hour and a half. I had gone home, made a cauliflower crust BBQ beef pizza (which I will share below) worked out another 45 minutes on the elliptical, (yes I have ass cramps today, thank you) and was feeling pretty good. The kids were in bed, there was nothing on tv worth watching, Dan wasn't home yet, I was by NO means hungry, but there I was staring at the two slices of three day old pizza that were still in a ziploc in my fridge. I shit you not, I got up at least a half a dozen times to open the fridge and look at those pieces of pizza and for some reason I just could not throw them away. I HAD to have them. I caved, not completely, but I did pick off two bites of the toppings and then threw the rest out to the dogs.

It was like being an addict. And sadly, I've come to realize, I am, I am addicted to food. I am my own worst enemy. It's not the pizza that was battling me, it was an internal battle. And I think I know what caused it.....I scale jumped. I KNOW better. I have told you people the horrors of scale jumping, but I just couldn't help myself. I figured after 75 minutes of elliptical time yesterday, that SURELY I had lost a HUGE amount of weight (It didn't matter that I know weighing at night is pointless, that you're always heavier at night. It didn't matter that I know not to weigh in daily. It didn't matter that I was fully clothed. I scoffed at the sweatpants and was certain my hard work would counteract the 1/2 pound those sweats probably weigh.) I got on the scale and saw a 5 pound GAIN, that's a NINE pound swing in the matter of 14 hours. My head knew it was my body messing with me, but my heart was broken and the first shots of that age old inner battle with myself were fired. You know those shots, the whole "Fuck it. Why do I bother busting my ass when this obviously isn't working." Here's the deal. I have recognized what happened, I stopped myself before I got the ranch dressing out and doused the pizza in it and threw back the whole piece and I am dealing with it today. So, while the war continues, the battle was won.

Recipe:
BBQ Beef Pizza

1 cauliflower pizza crust baked crispy
some walden farms BBQ sauce, however much makes you happy
shredded sirloin tip roast
1/4 cup mexican blend cheese
dill pickle slices, optional.

Bake your pizza crust, either from scratch, with the recipe previously posted, or use one of the frozen ones, if you did that. Top with sauce and shredded beef, roughly 3 1/2-4 ounces (you have used some lean in the crust and with the cheese). Place pickle slices on the beef, if you choose, top with cheese, put under the broiler until the cheese melts OMG if you are a fan of BBQ beef pizza, you will Big Puffy Heart this.