And not in the good way. (Well, actually I did manage to eek out a loss this week, more on that later) but, really, talk about falling off the wagon and letting it run over you.
In the blog I follow, Escape from Obesity, the author, Lynn, is dealing with the same thing. Wanting a break from "the plan" and experimenting with other foods. Well, she truly was experimenting, as she was eating fruit and Greek Yogurt and some sort of tea shit, whereas, I have just been eating, whatever I want, whenever I want it. Now, I'm not saying that I'm downing ranch covered pizza or deep fried cauliflower and tenderloins by the dozen, but I am totally not staying on plan. I start out each day with good intentions, but end up derailing my efforts by about 2 p.m. I still have a bar or an oatmeal for breakfast and one for a snack, but the last two days, I have gone to Subway for lunch. I had a 6 inch sandwich yesterday, loaded with veggies and with mustard, I had a handful of almonds for a snack and for dinner, after my 3 1/2 hours of meetings, I had a turkey sandwich on whole grain bread with spicy mustard. Looking at it though logical eyes, why do I feel bad about this? Because I am already eating WAAAY less vegetables than I should and making WAAAY less effort when it comes to eating "properly." Today, I had a chocolate chip pancake muffin for breakfast, I had a salad from subway with no dressing for lunch and just had a bar as a snack and I feel pretty good about it. These are the good days....these are the days that I look forward to during the carefully planned out transition phase that i hope to be going through next month.
NOW, to recap my weekend and share what i should TRULY feel bad about. I drank my weight in Vodka 7's Friday night and let the Blue Moon piano bar fish bowl kick my ass. I had a cheese burger (yes, cheeseburger) at the restaurant, as my coach sat right across the table from me. I did skip the fries in favor of a side salad, which I dipped my fork in the dressing on and I took off the top half of the bun. Somewhere around, oh I'm not sure 1 a.m., I delved into the world of bulemia and lost every ounce of the cheeseburger and some of the vodka.
The next morning I somehow managed to crawl down to the lobby for the free breakfast, I downed three of their fountain Pepsi's ate two biscuits with gravy and some scrambled eggs. Which, came back up approximately 30 minutes later as I continued my foray into the world of eating disorders. (Cleverly disguised as a hangover.) I downed 3 more large fountain Pepsi's in the hope that I may regain some sort of consciousness, but alas, nothing helped.
I struggled through VanAernam cousins Christmas, I had a piece of pork loin, a few bites of cheesy potatoes and a dinner roll, praying that SOMETHING, ANYTHING, would soak up what vodka remained in my system. I had to work that night, and I'll be damned if my hangover wasn't miraculously cured by a handful of cheese balls and a fish sandwich (I did put lettuce and tomato on it, if that counts at all.)
Sunday, we had Jensen cousin's Christmas, and since my hangover was gone...the wine fest began. In my defense, the Jensen's have been boozing it up at EVERY family celebration we have ever had, not boozing, is simply not an option. (We even went back to Grandma's house to have Kesslers and 7 after Grandpa's visitation when he died, its what he would have wanted.) In order to help the wine digest, I had some sirloin tip, again, a few cheesy potatoes and a dinner roll, but this time I added some of Aunt Ardell's famous scalloped corn. I figured I had already gone down the slippery slope of carb overload, why stop before having the scalloped corn? Supper I had some left over broasted chicken breast and some cabbage...HA! something green..so THERE!
I hopped on the scale, fully expecting scale overload..I actually lost 2 pounds. I figure with was my bulemia experiment. If only I didn't piss myself when I puke (thanks for that one kids) and am one of those people who starts puking at their toes, if you know what I mean, and can be heard puking even with a speeding train flying by, I could try it once in a while....just kidding, I think what i will try, is actually staying on plan once Jan. 1 hits and going through transition properly.
***DISCLAIMER**** Please, in no way, think that i am making light of, or poking fun at eating disorders. As someone who has struggled with weight and body image most of her life, and as one who has seen up close via friends what a true eating disorder will do to a person, physically, psychologically, emotionally, etc, I know that it is no laughing matter, I was simply trying to illustrate a story..
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