Groundhog's Day

I feel like I am trapped in the Bill Murray movie "Groundhog's Day." It's like every day is a repeat of the day before and a reminder of what it is that I do wrong.
Here are some of the things I live over and over: I get up in the morning, disgusted with myself and swear that today is the day. I make a shake/oatmeal/pancake, whatever and pack three more meals and a snack and head out the door, ready to stay on plan. I am focused, I have my water bottle. I have steam. I make it through the day, then 6 p.m. hits and I say, "It's just an ounce of cheese." "It's only a spoonful of peanut butter." 'It's just one cracker." But that one turns into two, or three or six and then a full fledge mini binge has begun. Then I go to bed disgusted with myself, swearing that tomorrow will be a better day. I wake up disgusted and swear today is the day....you get the picture.
I have come to realize I am a food addict. I am also an emotional eater. The problem is, it doesn't matter the emotion. I eat when I am happy, sad, mad, glad, frustrated, tired, bored...you name it. And while I don't go whole hog and eat an entire pizza or a whole box of twinkies in one sitting. I eat. Period. Saturday, I was seeing red, spitting mad...what did I do? I drank a bottle and a half of wine and really didn't give a fuck how many carbs or empty calories I was ingesting. In fact, I couldn't have cared less. Did that lead to over-eating, no, not really, but it led to less healthy choices. I ate a cracker or two here and there and handful or two of snack mix and did have one of my mom's famous cupcakes. Did I ingest a ton of calories, no, but I didn't ingest anything nutritious either.
Sunday morning was kind of a "lather, rinse, repeat" type of day. I got up, I made scrambled eggs for everyone, heavy on the egg whites for me, I added some rotel to mine, told myself it was going to be a good day and then when the Bears started playing like shit, into the bowl of snack mix I dove. Then I said to myself, "Self, your day is pretty much fucked now, so go ahead and eat another cupcake" So, I did.
Monday was actually a good, totally on plan day. I also ended up working for 14 hours, so there was little room for distraction or eating of anything.
Yesterday I was starving...it was like day two all over again. I did relatively okay. I did have a handful (Jaci sized, mind you, so 12 kernels) of popcorn. While not a total failure, technically, it is a failure. I was not able to stay on plan because I cannot get my brain wrapped around it right now for some reason.
Coach K's comment earlier today about finding your hard, and figuring out what you want more, is so true. Lynn with Escape from Obesity is so true, too. It's like she and I are sharing a brain right now. (Except for that whole puppy obsession she has going on right now). I need to decide to shit or get off the pot. So that's what I intend to do...shit or get off this pot because what I am doing now isn't working. I'm not losing any weight. I am gaining it. I am not adopting healthy habits. I am not being motivating, or funny, or anything. I am really not liking myself right now and I have to do something. I have to find my mojo. I have to get my shine back. I have to get my life back. I'm just not sure why I can't do that right now. I have seriously contemplated the fact that maybe i have a touch of season affective disorder, but really, what I have right now is seasonal bullshit. I'm blaming the weather and my blahs on winter, when really, I don't think that's the case. It's just something for me to place the blame on other than blaming myself.
So, it's either shit or move on.....hopefully I have toilet paper....