What shit

I spew....I feel like such a fraud, even though I know I am merely human. I talk about all of this, don't do this, do that, bites, licks and tastes, go screw yourself, blah, blah, blah, yet last night, the BLT's kicked my A-S-S. I had a LOOOONG, stressful day at work, needed an easy meal for the family, so of course, I made spaghetti, which I should know is a trigger food of mine. I made myself a big fat salad with some of the ground beef from the spaghetti. Mixed the meat with my WF BBQ sauce, put it on top of my salad and drizzled some WF ranch on top of that, very yummy, very filling.
Dan was not home. Here in lies my problem. I need to bring out my inner bitch. The spaghetti and left over garlic bread were just waiting there in the kitchen for him..all bundled up, waiting to be put in the microwave when he got home. Good woman, I know. What I needed to do was just throw the remaining food straight out the door and let Dan fend for himself when he got home. (Bad..woman...that would not go over at our house.) With the demon spaghetti and garlic bread in the kitchen it was like a freaky magnet just continuously drawing me out there. Pretty soon it was, "I'll just have one meatball." Then it was two meatballs. Then it was a bite of spaghetti, noodles and all and a nibble of the garlic bread. GAAAAAAA Why do I do this to myself? I had been doing SOOOO good. Why do I make trigger foods when I am in such a delicate (excuse me I just snorted coffee through my nose because usually delicate and JC don't belong together) position? I was not hungry, AT ALL. But the bread and pasta were there....It was the simple equation of boredom=eating. I tried reading, I tried putting in a movie, I tried sleeping, stretching, having a glass of water. (I should have text my coach, maybe she would have driven to my house and thrown away the demon leftovers.) Why can I not go all binge happy with a head of celery or a cup of green beans?
I know, I know, I know, get back to the basics. Do what you did when you first started. I have been trying that. Trust me. The problem is, when I first started, things were dire. I was roughly the size of a Chicago Bears lineman. I was squeezing my lard ass into Size 2x shirts and size 20 pants. Now, I have size larges hanging in my closet. I have a belt that is a size medium large. My size 14 jeans hang on me (yet some of my 12's are tight.) I don't want to say I am in a comfortable place, because I'm not. I want to be that size 10, I want to lose 30 more pounds. I want to get my ink with my girls. It just sucks that sometimes, I want my spaghetti, too. I just have to figure out which want is more important. My heart knows which want, I want, but my head doesn't always agree with it.
Food tip: This works well for me because I am not a morning "eater," and its a great way to use up the chocolate mint and peanut butter soft serves I have.
Double shake
1 packet chocolate mint or peanut butter soft serve
1 packet chocolate shake (I like the dark chocolate)
2 cups of water (or so, sometimes I use more)
handful of ice cubes
dash of SF chocolate flavored syrup
Put it all in a blender, blend well, pour into a big to go cup (like a 32 ouncer) I sip on this all morning long, adding a few ice cubes now and again to keep it cold. Sometimes I will drank half of it before leaving the house then just put the other half in my fridge at work and drink the other half at "snack time" but the all morning sipping works well too.