A challenge

today will be a challenge....I only have to/get to work til 11. ( I can only put in 40 hours I had 14 on Monday and 10 on Tuesday, so my week went pretty quickly) Anyway...I am heading home to make lunch for the hubs...that won't be the problem. The problem will be me alone in my house from noon to 3:30 ish....it won't matter if I go through the cupboards and throw out every damned trigger item in the house I will find something to eat should the moment strike. That's the fucked up part of my issue...its not any one particular food or thing that will throw me off, it's whatever is there....SOOO stalker friends. I have a plan! IF I feel a temptation coming on I am going to head to the man cave and do 10 minutes on my elliptical. I had thought that IF I felt a temptation I would pick up a swiffer or the broom, but I really don't like to clean, so that wouldn't really be much of a deterrent! I may also sneak off to Atlantic or Carroll this afternoon as a distraction. What I REALLY should do is tackle Jaci's closet and dresser drawers and sort out what no longer fits, or tackle the massive stacks of paper in the office, but shit, who wants to do that? If it gets as nice as forecasted, I may go clean the garage. Bottom line is I MUST find ways to distract me, should my mind/stomach start wandering. I really don't think it will be much of an issue. Yesterday was a perfect day and I really am not hungry and have had no cravings. Plus, I scale peeked again and its good news, so...I will continue to forge ahead with my proverbial roll of toilet paper in my pocket. (I may need some gold bond soon...:))
I heard this quote the other night...(or something like it, I didn't write it down, so really, its become a quote of my own.)
"This is my life story. I'm not dead yet, so it's an autobiography and I get to decide how it ends."
So, I am deciding....I am going to end it with a smaller ass...

Shitting like a Christmas goose

That is what i am doing kids. Yesterday, when I got off work, I went straight to DG and bought 3 jumbo packages of ass wipe. A. because we needed it. (The void gets cranky when I steal all of the shit paper from his bathroom and I had already done that) and B. I wanted it to be sort of a symbol. A gesture if you will, to me actually giving a damn again, because as I said yesterday, it's time to shit.
I wish I could tell you there is some magical light switch that I found that I switched back on, but there isn't. I also wish I could tell you with 100% certainty that this will be the last time I "start over." But I will wish in one hand and ahem, shit...in the other and see which fills up first, because this probably won't be the last time I start over. I am not perfect, nor do I strive to be, right now, I am striving to be better than I have been, and honestly, that shouldn't take much.
I have been "back on plan" since Monday. And I put that in parentheses because I would say 98% back on plan. Monday, 100%, Tuesday, 90%, (the Jaci sized handful of popcorn) yesterday, 95%. I found my hand in a bowl full of M&M's left over from Drew's birthday. After eating 2, I caught myself, threw the rest of the M&M's in a baggie and told Jaci to take them to her room. Mice be damned. I would rather have a mouse find her candy stash than to have me stick my hand back in that jar.
I also decided to switch it up a little. The plan "bible" says we are to eat almost immediately after getting out of bed. I have even heard of people who eat while still lying in bed. I honestly cannot stomach it, I am not hungry til about 9 or 9:30. Plus, I am a night eater/snacker, so by eating my first meal of the day at 9 or 9:30, instead of at 7:30, I have more that i can eat from 4:00 on. It worked well for me last night, other than the devil M&M's. That was 100% unconscious behavior. I think it's because I dearly love the little commercial where the M&M's are throwing shit and the guy and say, "YOU get in the bowl." that is genius commercial writing right there.
I scale hopped this morning and I am down 2 pounds since Tuesday. Sorry stalker friends, I am not yet ready to admit what the scale said on Tuesday, just know that it was big hairy mole, ass kicked by the ugly stick, ugly...Only Coach K knows and she's like the CIA, she will guard it with her life.
I had a few non-scale victories yesterday, perhaps that is what kicked my ass into re-programming mode, or it my have been my mini-therapy session with Coach. (I'll give her the credit) But I have been eyeing this pair of gray cargo pants at Abby's for the last few months. I am leery of cargo pants b/c they can add some bulk, but honestly I needed a few pairs of pants other than jeans for work. I went ahead and bought them yesterday. They are a 13/14. They are a little baggy, but they look good and the best part, I got them for a quarter...can't beat that!
My other NSV, the void, (who has been very ass-kissy...must have realized my "I want to poke your eyes out with a toothpick" look I had been giving him since his 2 back to back weekends in Chicago...he  DVR'ed a Bon Jovi special for me when he was at home for lunch yesterday. He said that he was watching something on the NFL channel when he hit guide and noticed the Bon Jovi show and thought, hmm I can watch this NFL program again tomorrow, I had better tape this for Jill...very thoughtful.) Anywho...the void was at his favorite watering hole last night when a certain bald, middle aged fella, who shall remain nameless, asked him "what in the hell happened to your wife? She's always been a few classes ahead of you, in fact to the point where one has to wonder if you keep her drugged, but i saw her a few weeks ago and she's smoking hot!" Me likey....like Coach said, those are the kind of things I have to remember. Random middle aged fellas telling my hubby I'm hot. Feeling great in size 12 jeans. Tall boots that fit over my annoyingly huge calves.
So for now stalker friends, I'm going to keep shitting...I hope if you're at a standstill in your journey that you find your own personal Mylanta and get the shits too...

Groundhog's Day

I feel like I am trapped in the Bill Murray movie "Groundhog's Day." It's like every day is a repeat of the day before and a reminder of what it is that I do wrong.
Here are some of the things I live over and over: I get up in the morning, disgusted with myself and swear that today is the day. I make a shake/oatmeal/pancake, whatever and pack three more meals and a snack and head out the door, ready to stay on plan. I am focused, I have my water bottle. I have steam. I make it through the day, then 6 p.m. hits and I say, "It's just an ounce of cheese." "It's only a spoonful of peanut butter." 'It's just one cracker." But that one turns into two, or three or six and then a full fledge mini binge has begun. Then I go to bed disgusted with myself, swearing that tomorrow will be a better day. I wake up disgusted and swear today is the day....you get the picture.
I have come to realize I am a food addict. I am also an emotional eater. The problem is, it doesn't matter the emotion. I eat when I am happy, sad, mad, glad, frustrated, tired, bored...you name it. And while I don't go whole hog and eat an entire pizza or a whole box of twinkies in one sitting. I eat. Period. Saturday, I was seeing red, spitting mad...what did I do? I drank a bottle and a half of wine and really didn't give a fuck how many carbs or empty calories I was ingesting. In fact, I couldn't have cared less. Did that lead to over-eating, no, not really, but it led to less healthy choices. I ate a cracker or two here and there and handful or two of snack mix and did have one of my mom's famous cupcakes. Did I ingest a ton of calories, no, but I didn't ingest anything nutritious either.
Sunday morning was kind of a "lather, rinse, repeat" type of day. I got up, I made scrambled eggs for everyone, heavy on the egg whites for me, I added some rotel to mine, told myself it was going to be a good day and then when the Bears started playing like shit, into the bowl of snack mix I dove. Then I said to myself, "Self, your day is pretty much fucked now, so go ahead and eat another cupcake" So, I did.
Monday was actually a good, totally on plan day. I also ended up working for 14 hours, so there was little room for distraction or eating of anything.
Yesterday I was starving...it was like day two all over again. I did relatively okay. I did have a handful (Jaci sized, mind you, so 12 kernels) of popcorn. While not a total failure, technically, it is a failure. I was not able to stay on plan because I cannot get my brain wrapped around it right now for some reason.
Coach K's comment earlier today about finding your hard, and figuring out what you want more, is so true. Lynn with Escape from Obesity is so true, too. It's like she and I are sharing a brain right now. (Except for that whole puppy obsession she has going on right now). I need to decide to shit or get off the pot. So that's what I intend to do...shit or get off this pot because what I am doing now isn't working. I'm not losing any weight. I am gaining it. I am not adopting healthy habits. I am not being motivating, or funny, or anything. I am really not liking myself right now and I have to do something. I have to find my mojo. I have to get my shine back. I have to get my life back. I'm just not sure why I can't do that right now. I have seriously contemplated the fact that maybe i have a touch of season affective disorder, but really, what I have right now is seasonal bullshit. I'm blaming the weather and my blahs on winter, when really, I don't think that's the case. It's just something for me to place the blame on other than blaming myself.
So, it's either shit or move on.....hopefully I have toilet paper....

14 years

or 6 months? You may wonder what I mean by this, get your panties out of a wad...I'll get there. Fourteen years ago I was in the hospital scared to death of the screaming, poopy 8.75 pound red head lying next to me. Now that he's 14, he's still scaring me to death....When I was pregnant with him I gained, oh, roughly 50 pounds. The problem was, I never lost that 50 pounds. Dan was trucking over the road and gone all the time, leaving me, in essence, a single mom and I ate, and ate, and ate and didn't exercise and those 50 pounds clung to me for dear life.
I did lose a few pounds five years later before our wedding. I didn't know how much, as I didn't own a scale, nor bother to ever use one. I worked out with a personal trainer and lost many inches and my wedding dress was a size 16, I wasn't too upset about that, I was expecting a much larger number.
Seven years later when I was pregnant with Jaci I gained 8 more pounds. Yes, just 8. When you're roughly the size of a sow, you don't need to gain much more than that while pregnant! Also, I puked all day, every day during 99% of that pregnancy, so that helped with the weight gain.
After having Jaci I decided I needed to lose weight. Weight Watchers was kind of the "in thing" around here at the time, everyone was doing it, so i signed on. The first 30 pounds came off pretty easily, after that it was pay $10 a month to gain and lose the same two fucking pounds over and over until 6 months and $60 later, you say FUCK IT. Plus, while you're on WW you hoard your points eating popcorn and processed WW 1 point yogurts and cheeses and cupcakes so you can use your flex points for beer and pizza. ** Not that I want to bash WW, if it works for you, great, go with it, it just wasn't the right plan for me**
Anywho, after falling off the WW wagon completely by downing 4 grilled cheese sandwiches in one sitting, those 30 pounds plus 12 more piled right back on.
Here I am 14 years later, I am in jeans that are smaller than what I wore pre-pregnancy. Those 50 baby pounds are gone, I dare say, for good. I want to lose maybe 25 more, but if I only lose 10 or 15 more, I will be okay with that. Happy about it, no, but okay. I am semi-content with where I am at. I have lost 50 fucking pounds and that's nothing to sneeze at.
I'm wondering if it's taken me 14 years to do it, or 6 months? At the same time I wonder, does it matter? It's gone and I won't let it come back. There are too many things I have found 50 pounds lighter that I don't want to give up. I like $150 jeans, even if my budget doesn't. I like walking into pretty much any store there is an knowing I can fit something other than the jewelry. I like not having to pop Advil daily to get rid of the constant headaches. I like not waking up in the middle of the night with a horrible stomach ache. (Honestly, I used to average horrible stomach aches with "you might want to stay out of the bathroom for a while" consequences at least once a week. I truly cannot remember the last time I had one of those. Coincidence? I think not.) I like hearing compliments, even though I am not used to them. I like being able to run down the street with my daughter and not be out of breath before I hit the end of the block. I'm finally getting to the point where I like me again, and I don't care if it took me 14 years to get there.

Random thoughts

kind of like Deep Thoughts...only not as deep, they're just more random.
I really don't like the new pretzels. The flavor is okay, the consistency is weird, but I did notice they don't stick in my teeth as bad as the old ones did.
I have had a new touch screen phone for approximately 43 days. I still end up accidentally pocket dialing random people. I am a technotard.
Last night, I came extremely close to eating a container of leftover sausage gravy from the biscuits and gravy I had made the kids earlier in the week. I was standing at the refrigerator, spoon in hand ready to eat the shit cold. Thank God the dogs were out of dog food and saved me from myself.
My new shipment of food arrived. Every time that happens it feels sort of like Christmas. I get all excited and then I remember, "Oh yeah, 95% of the food I get to eat in the next 30 days is right there in that little box." And while I am generally satisfied with the meals and am pleased with the program, I am still amazed at how small that box is.
I got my hair done yesterday. Its amazing what new hair does to a girls self confidence. I guilt tripped my Chicago frequenting other half into paying for the hair. Its the least he can do.
I am secretly (okay, maybe not so secretly since I am blogging about it) cheesed that my hubs is going back to Chicago. I guess I shouldn't be, he has it worked into his budget and has worked very hard this year and has earned a few splurges. I just wish he would splurge on things like the dishwasher I want and a new stove and a new gas grill and Oh, I could go on and on....
I am thrilled that my brother and his new other half(well technically she's not new, she's been around for a while, just unofficially) are coming to Drew's Birthday party on Saturday. The one drawback, now I have to dust and mop the corners and everything and be sure I double check that no cobwebs were missed.
I am not so thrilled about hosting my first co-ed party for my 14 year old... I have removed all pillows and blankets from the living room and have paid Jaci to be extra nosy and annoying.
I am trying desperately to stay 100% on plan.
I am trying desperately not to think of the cream cheese and chocolate chip filled fudge cupcakes Drew has asked my mother to bring for his Birthday cake. Someone remind me again why I cannot have the metabolism of a 14 year old boy?
I am pretty pleased by the fact that while folding laundry last night, I grabbed Drew's size MEDIUM zip up hoodie that we bought him in Chicago and I could zip it and it fit. Yes, kids, I said MEDIUM!!!
I ordered off of Amazon for the first time last week. It was nice that two of the things I bought for Drew's Birthday qualified for free shipping......I tracked them this morning, they had a departure scan from Kansas and an arrival scan at 9:00 this morning, but nothing listed as to WHERE it arrived to...perhaps this is why the shipping is free. The third item ordered from Amazon did not qualify for free shipping, it arrived today. It's two wrestling knee pads...$9.98 to ship the fuckers....but at last I know were they arrived from...the jury is still out on the other two packages.
With the exception of the aforementioned cupcakes I am planning a pretty diet friendly party. Cheese and meat tray, veggie tray, chips and salsa (I can say no to the chips so no problems there) meatballs, seafood dip, which is really good on celery, shrimp and pickle wraps....I plan to dive heavily into the veggie tray and the shrimp and indulge in a pickle wrap or two.
Tonight will be a good night. Lots of cleaning to do before the party (I work tomorrow night, so lots needs to get done tonight) Jaci has dance..not much room for deviation. Which is good because if you haven't figured it out by now, I'm kind of a deviant.

Tuna and lettuce

mmmm...I keep telling myself that the tuna and lettuce salad I ate last night was better than the pizza the rest of my family was noshing on. It was not Giordanos, it was from Lou Malnatis, the OTHER world famous Chicago pizzeria. My kitchen smelled fucking fantabulous. I cooked it before leaving for my appointment. I almost didn't mind that it was snowy and it took me almost twice as long to get to and from town because I did not want to face the pizza. When I got home I hid in the bedroom with my can of tuna and my lettuce salad. Again, I don't know that I was craving the food itself, just the experience of it. If the void had not spent $22 on it and wanted the leftovers for his lunch, I would have used the dish soap trick on it and thrown it away.
I am trying to keep up with a 20-25 minute routine on my elliptical at night Monday-Friday. I need to increase my intensity via faster speed or more resistance. The pace I go at now, while it increases my heart rate and makes me break a sweat only burns about 180-220 calories. I think I need to burn more than that.
Right now I am struggling mentally. I feel as though I am just going through the motions. I know I talked once before about normalcy. I know that eating a huge plate of pasta with salad and garlic bread and wine is not normal. Eating six small, balanced healthy meals is a good thing. But I want to get to the point in my life where I can enjoy a small piece of pizza with my family, with a side salad and not feel like I have to hide in bedroom with my chicken of the sea feeling like an outcast so I don't eat too much. I want to be able to have a glass of wine and a small slice of birthday cake at a birthday party and not sit in the corner and calculate how many empty calories and carbohydrates I just ingested.  I know that eventually I will get to that place and that sooner or later I will realize birthdays are still birthdays even without the cake and the wine and that I will feel "normal." I am starting that process. It's nice to walk into a store a feel normal and not like an outcast. It's nice to be able to wear normal sizes. I like that normal feeling. That's the normal I need to stay focused on. Besides, who cares if my normal isn't what someone else considers normal? My normal is all that matters.

Holy hell Batman

Escape from Obesity blog hit me perfectly today! Go read it now! Stop reading my blog, I don't know that I will have anything revolutionary to say today, anyway, and go read hers!
Now, that you're back, isn't it the truth? Isn't it crazy how we can want two totally contradictory things? I mean she hit the nail on the head when she said, why is it I know what I want, yet I keep doing the opposite of what it takes to get there? (Okay, that was paraphrasing) But it's so true! I can say, "I want to be a size 10," yet I can have a spaghetti laden mini binge at the same time, so what is it I really want? THAT my friends is what I need to explore. What is it I want more and how do I get there? How much do I sacrifice? How much do I push myself? When is good enough, truly good enough and when is it crap? Because sometimes you can say you're good enough and sometimes when you say, "good enough," you know its complete and utter bullshit and you're just trying to justify the 12 pack of baby cheesecakes you just shoved down your throat.
Coach K has given me some homework and once my bank account recovers from the retail therapy I did last week, I will order the materials I need to accomplish my homework and perhaps I will learn what it is I really want.
I know tonight I am glad that I will be out of the house. The void brought home a Chicago deep dish style pizza from Giordanos for the kids. They are cooking it tonight. (Its amazing that you can buy gourmet deep dish Chicago pizza frozen and take it home.) While I know he had wonderful thoughts and that it was something for the kids, deep dish pizza is like food porn...you say you don't eat it, but secretly, we all do..,.. So, they have strict orders to finish the entire pizza before I get home, so there will be no temptation. Be warned Coach K, I may be texting you en mass, in case they do not follow my directions.
Weigh in this week wasn't good, but I knew it wouldn't be. that's what I get for not following directions and not doing what I was supposed to. Up 2 pounds. Such is life. But also its time that I decide what my next step will be...what is it I want more and how do i stop wanting two different things at once? That my friends is my mission. What's yours?

I keep telling myself

if lifestyle change was easy, everyone would be a perfect size 4. The reality is, this is not easy. This is not a "magic" fix. This is not something you can turn on and turn off and expect to excel at. That's not to say that I will never again eat spaghetti and garlic bread. That is never to say I will never again eat a slice of birthday cake. That is never to say that I won't down half a pizza. I cannot say never to anything.
The thing that I am learning is that I will forever have to be diligent. I will forever have to be mindful of what I put into my body and what I expect to get back out of it. The most important thing I am learning, and sometimes this is a toughy for us, but the most important thing is to realize it all starts and ends with me. I am the person I am most effecting with every decision I make. If I CHOOSE not to be on plan 100% that is on me. That's not the diet not working. That's not Coach K not doing it for me. That's not my "body" failing me to tricking me. That's just me. Yes, there may be people who influence the decisions I make, for example, as Coach/Dr. K and I have come to call him, "The Void" has influences on the decisions I make, but ultimately, I have to be held accountable for those decisions.
If, some day I down a half a pizza, that will be a decision that I will have to live with. The very thought of it makes me sick, but its still going to come down to a choice. I can eat it, or I can walk away, or what will most likely happen, I will have a slice or two and be fine.
I'm starting to ramble a bit here, but alas, it's my blog, so deal with it...I know that I am accountable for my actions. I cannot blame The Void. I have to learn to fill it with something other than empty calories. I cannot blame TSFL, I have a cupboard full of their products, I have the materials to be successful, it is  my choice whether I use the materials correctly or not. I cannot blame Coach K, she is not stuffing spaghetti and garlic bread down my pie hole. Quite the opposite, in fact, she chewed my ass for that little episode, and appropriately so...
If I see a gain this week, I will know that it is because I let the Void overtake me and ate the several bites of spaghetti and a nibble of garlic bread and that was ALLLL me. If I don't get my water in, that's on my shoulders. If I don't eat all of my greens, it's something I have to deal with. Am I striving to be perfect, no. But, the thing I am striving for is acceptance. the ability to accept that the decisions I make affect the outcome. That little spaghetti/garlic bread/void incident this week, may ultimately cause me to not meet my goal. I can either accept that, or do something about it and since this is about the CHOICES I make I CHOOSE to do both...I accept that I stumbled BUT, I am going to move forward. I am going to find something to fill the void with. (Last night it was texting Coach K about the fact that our Medifarts could be used in chemical warfare.) I will accept my decisions and learn from them. I will work even harder to hit that March 1 goal.
Mini-victory- As I write about pizza, I got a pizza for the kids/void to eat last night. It was late wreslting practice/dance night, so a busy one at our house. I brought the pizza home, the kids ate their part of it, I made myself some stir fry, was stuffed and was able to completely leave the pizza alone, even with the void gone....see its a mindset. I CHOSE not to eat the pizza. I CHOOSE to keep that up.
Recipe:
StirFry STUFF
(Half stole this from a low-carb diet website)
1/2 cup shredded cabbage/coleslaw mix (pick out carrots if you can)
1/2 can LaChoy sprouts
chopped green pepper and onion (whatever you like, I used a whole green pepper chopped)
dash of onion and garlic powders
dash of crushed red pepper flakes
1 T sesame oil
low sodium soy sauce
lean serving (last night I used 5 oz. ground pork. I have used ground beef/turkey/chicken, chicken breast, sliced pork and steak and shrimp, all work well.)
Cook your lean in a skillet sprayed with PAM. Set aside. Add pepper and green onion and cabbage, sautee until tender, add sprouts when the rest of your green is cooked to your liking. Add your protein back to the skillet, add seasonings, oil and soy sauce, heat through, stirring well. This makes a BIG ol bowl of goodness. I like the sprouts because I am a HUGE Lo-mein fan and the spouts make a very nice substitute for the noodles. I also am generous with the red pepper flakes, it really kicks up the spice, which in turn makes you drink more water....:)

What shit

I spew....I feel like such a fraud, even though I know I am merely human. I talk about all of this, don't do this, do that, bites, licks and tastes, go screw yourself, blah, blah, blah, yet last night, the BLT's kicked my A-S-S. I had a LOOOONG, stressful day at work, needed an easy meal for the family, so of course, I made spaghetti, which I should know is a trigger food of mine. I made myself a big fat salad with some of the ground beef from the spaghetti. Mixed the meat with my WF BBQ sauce, put it on top of my salad and drizzled some WF ranch on top of that, very yummy, very filling.
Dan was not home. Here in lies my problem. I need to bring out my inner bitch. The spaghetti and left over garlic bread were just waiting there in the kitchen for him..all bundled up, waiting to be put in the microwave when he got home. Good woman, I know. What I needed to do was just throw the remaining food straight out the door and let Dan fend for himself when he got home. (Bad..woman...that would not go over at our house.) With the demon spaghetti and garlic bread in the kitchen it was like a freaky magnet just continuously drawing me out there. Pretty soon it was, "I'll just have one meatball." Then it was two meatballs. Then it was a bite of spaghetti, noodles and all and a nibble of the garlic bread. GAAAAAAA Why do I do this to myself? I had been doing SOOOO good. Why do I make trigger foods when I am in such a delicate (excuse me I just snorted coffee through my nose because usually delicate and JC don't belong together) position? I was not hungry, AT ALL. But the bread and pasta were there....It was the simple equation of boredom=eating. I tried reading, I tried putting in a movie, I tried sleeping, stretching, having a glass of water. (I should have text my coach, maybe she would have driven to my house and thrown away the demon leftovers.) Why can I not go all binge happy with a head of celery or a cup of green beans?
I know, I know, I know, get back to the basics. Do what you did when you first started. I have been trying that. Trust me. The problem is, when I first started, things were dire. I was roughly the size of a Chicago Bears lineman. I was squeezing my lard ass into Size 2x shirts and size 20 pants. Now, I have size larges hanging in my closet. I have a belt that is a size medium large. My size 14 jeans hang on me (yet some of my 12's are tight.) I don't want to say I am in a comfortable place, because I'm not. I want to be that size 10, I want to lose 30 more pounds. I want to get my ink with my girls. It just sucks that sometimes, I want my spaghetti, too. I just have to figure out which want is more important. My heart knows which want, I want, but my head doesn't always agree with it.
Food tip: This works well for me because I am not a morning "eater," and its a great way to use up the chocolate mint and peanut butter soft serves I have.
Double shake
1 packet chocolate mint or peanut butter soft serve
1 packet chocolate shake (I like the dark chocolate)
2 cups of water (or so, sometimes I use more)
handful of ice cubes
dash of SF chocolate flavored syrup
Put it all in a blender, blend well, pour into a big to go cup (like a 32 ouncer) I sip on this all morning long, adding a few ice cubes now and again to keep it cold. Sometimes I will drank half of it before leaving the house then just put the other half in my fridge at work and drink the other half at "snack time" but the all morning sipping works well too.

It seems like

forever since I've talked to you stalker friends! I was WAY too busy on Friday, which equaled super, on plan eating, but alas no posting due to the hectic schedule. I typically don't blog on the weekends (too cheap to buy the satellite internet I would have to get to have internet at my house) and I was at home Monday and Tuesday due to the weather. I have this little rule, if the kids are not in school due to weather, JC does not go to work. While I love what I do, it's a job. Jobs come and go, my health and well being is kind of one of those you have it or you don't type of things and with 15 inches of snow and me living on a gravel road, the likelihood of my Pontiac heading up or down the road, is low. So, anywho...long story short, I'm back!
Weigh in this morning was good, down another, I think 4? Which is a good thing. I am close to being back to my pre-Mexico, pre-holiday bloat and on my way back down to where I want to be. I seriously do have a laundry problem, I haven't figured out who's doing it, but someone is drying shit, WAY to high. My "loose" jeans were tight this morning and with the weight I have once again lost, they shouldn't be. I'm finding it hard to complain about though, because at least OTHER people in my house are doing housework.
In my extra time at home I discovered a few things. I could be extremely successful, if I simply avoided being at home. My family would not like me much, but I would be skinnier! I also discovered I love the food network...the only problem I have with the food network is some of their "hosts." For example, Dear Barefoot Contessa, I have no idea who Bobby (I can't remember his last name even though you 'dropped' it 72 times in your 30 minute episode) is, so when you talk about it being Bobby (we'll call him Hansen, for the sake of the story)'s birthday, I really couldn't care less. You can simply say, "It's my friend Bobby's birthday, so I am planning a bar-b-que for him." That would be an acceptable statement. When you say, "It's Bobby Hansen's birthday today and I am having afabulous breakfast bar-b-que for Bobby Hansen," it makes me want to scream 'WHO THE FUCK IS BOBBY HANSEN AND WHY SHOULD I CARE?' You drop the name like you are entertaining for Oprah or Tom Hanks, not some gray haired no name who NO ONE KNOWS!!!!! Just stick to making your fucking scrambled eggs and mimosas and let the rest of us be. Sincerely, JC
Whew.... I have also learned that there are a lot of truly insane people in this world and quite a few of them have landed on reality TV. I got sucked into a "Tabetha's Salon Takeover" marathon and I am terrified to get another hair cut. At least I would be if i lived in some of the cities she featured on this show. Yowza...
I'm having trouble following Coach K's advice (yes, she knows I am a problem child) I know that our plan tells us not to exercise daily, but I am one of those people who cannot make it a routine if I don't do it daily. SO, I am trying to limit my workouts to 30 minutes daily. I do tend to take the weekends off, most of the time, so I have also vowed that IF I feel the need to work out on the weekend it will be stretching/toning or a leisurely walk. Working this week on avoiding BLT's, not the sandwich, although I need to avoid those too, but I'm talking about bites, licks and tastes, as they all add up and most contain carbs of some sort. So goodbye to you lick of brownie batter, farewell to you taste of hashbrowns and so long bite of pizza, you are no longer allowed and no longer part of my life. (For now anyway, when I hit goal/transition, maybe you'll be back in my inner circle)

There comes a time

when you realize that there are things that work and things that don't. Me being 100% truly, as written, on plan doesn't work. Here's why...I don't always get my "measured" allowed fats in. I do the best I can, but there are some days where I am positive I've had more than I am supposed to. I don't measure my veggies. No one got fat by eating too much lettuce, so I guesstimate. I eat more pickles than are allowed as snacks. Some days I eat more protein than I should. If I am out if the individual packs of peanut butter, I stick the spoon in the jar and am CERTAIN I get more than is allowed. Also, I continue to drink.
Social drinking is very much a part of our lifestyle. We go out for supper, we order a drink. We get invited to a party, we have a drink, it's what we do. What has changed for me though, is I put more thought into the drinks I order and really do limit myself as to how many I have, most of the time anyway. Don't get me wrong there are nights that I act like a college kid and get shit faced, but sometimes I have to let my inner college kid come out...what's funny is you know that you have made a conscious change in your life when you come home from a party in which your inner college kid has been let out and you're starving and you make yourself some Medi- eggs with spinach and salsa and drink your 32 ounces of water. So while it was not a 100% on plan event, it beat the hell out of the old system..
I got in another great workout last night following my previously outlined playlist and I will be adding some of Coach K's recommendations (if you have some, feel free to post them). 40 minutes is a good time for me right now, although I must have over did it a little as one of my calves is sore, but hey, pain is good. I think it's time I got back to tracking my food on our plan's website. When I was having my greatest success I was tracking all of my food, plus my exercise on there and it was neat to see the calories in/out tracker. When I started to cheat here and there and then fell off the wagon completely, I had stopped tracking. While it's not the greatest tracking system known to man, partly because it doesn't have the greatest food data base and partly because it really doesn't allow for cheating, which yes, we are not to do, but to track honestly, you have to write down EVERYTHING. it's better than not tracking at all. So, I will add tracking back into my routine and see where it gets me.
Food tip: I got a new waffle maker for Christmas (I am truly addicted to small kitchen appliances like waffle makers, blenders, griddles, etc) I made one of the chocolate chip pancakes into a waffle and it was great! You have to add baking powder, I also sprinkle in some cinnamon or pumpkin pie spice, I have also been known to add almond extract, vanilla or some SF flavoring syrup. You also have to spray the hell out of your waffle iron because they do have the tendency to stick. I spritz a little ICBINB spray on them and eat them on my way to work. Try it!

My playlist

If you work out with an I-pod, I believe it is imperative that you have a play list. While "technically" I don't have an actual playlist, (cuz I have an old shuffle that I work out with) I do have a list of songs that I use to work out with. Most of the time the list stays the same, on occasion I will switch up the "cool down" song. I get on my elliptical and "go" to the pace of each song. Most of the time when i work out,  pick a set time, then arrange my songs to fit into that time. Last night i said, "Self...tonight you will work out to 10 songs." With my "in a previous life" job I happen to know that 90% of songs out there are in the 3:30 range, so I knew that 10 songs would put me over 30 minutes. This playlist, which includes some absolute MUSTS for working out, is  40 minutes with a warm up and a cool down.
1) Airplanes by B.O.B featuring Haley Williams--it is the perfect warm up song, not to slow, not too fast, it eases you right in and has a nice even beat which is nice when you are on a elliptical with the arm thingy.
2) Smoke by Eric Church Coach K will disagree but I love this funky little country song, besides who can't love the lyric "Dig down deep, light my stash, light it up memory crash"
3) Firework-Katy Perry, takes the beat up a notch and gives you a little "who cares if my bat wings are flapping and my ass fat is jiggling, I'm a firework baby!"
4) Time of My Life (Dirty Bit) Black Eyed Peas. Again cranks up the beat a little, although after listening to it I get the urge to yell out "Dirty Bit" randomly in the middle of conversation.
5) Raise Your Glass- Pink..."Don't be fancy, just get dancy" enough said...
6) Club Can't Handle Me- Flo Rida--now, we're really sweating as the beat is sufficiently pumped up.
7) I Don't Care- Fall Out Boy- No going back now, this is where the sweat starts running down your ass crack and your boobs start to ache because no matter the brand of sports bra, they are flopping a little. (I got this song from Drew's playlist, its one of the songs they play at wrestling practice, if you ever need a good song to work out to, visit a wrestling room, they have some good ones.)
8) DJ's Got us Falling in Love Again- Usher-still fast faced, but we're slowing down just a tid, nice beat to work with and it comes at the appropriate point in time to successfully avoid lung poppage.
9) This is the one I switch out now and again I use either, Kid Rock "Bawitadaba" Finger 11 "Paralyzer" Taio Cruz, "Dynamite" all good pump me up songs, but the beat slows a little to cool you down.
10) I switch this one up a little too, as its my cool down song I use 'Free" Zac Brown Band, "September" by Daughtry or "Jar of Hearts" Christina Perri
Last night I stuck with the first 8, then did the bawitadaba and Free and it was 41 minutes. I also did not get to listen completely to songs 4 and 5 as my husband scared the holy hell by coming down the man cave stairs as I was in mid song. We had a nice little (me sort of out of breath) conversation, he had just increased my life insurance, which, is probably good because when I realized he was standing there I nearly fell off the eliptical and hung myself with my I-pod earbugs, while narrowly avoiding striking my head on the wall. (Yes, stalker friends, I AM that graceful.) Anywho...feel free to comment and add songs that you like to work out or that would be appropriate when you need a good "ass crack sweating" song.
FOOD:
Teresa--the fajitas are simple just thaw your shrimp, or thinly slice your chicken breast or steak. Slice up a pepper or two, I also add some sliced tomato and a little green onion. Get a packet of fajita seasoning at the store, put a teaspoon or so in a bowl, add a T of olive oil and 2 T of water, let your meat marinate in the mixture for about 30 minutes, put it all in a skillet and cook it like stir fry, or what I love to do is throw it in a grill basket and grill it. YUMMM-O, if you haven't hit your three servings of green with your peppers an onions you can put this over some lettuce as a nice fajita salad. I sometimes drizzle a little WF ranch over the top, sort of like sour cream.
The family wanted lasagna last night. Lasagna you say on a low carb plan? YES. And trust me from a complete pasta addict, you really don't miss the noodles, all that much, anyway. Yes, there are recipes on line in which you can make sheets of "noodles" out of cauliflower puree, or use sliced steamed zucchini, but frankly, I'm too fucking lazy for that. What i do is brown the meat that i am using for the family's sauce, measure out my 5 ounces, add a T or 2 of low sugar pasta sauce and set it aside. i assemble the lasagna as normal for the family, making a 9x9 inch pan of it to decrease the amount of leftovers and amount of temptation. When the lasagna has about 10 minutes left, I chop up some green pepper, zucchini, spinach, mushroom and tomato add a little garlic, sautee it in a skillet, throw in my set aside meat and sauce and toss it all together and heat it through. Pour it onto a plate sprinkle with a very little coating of Parmesan cheese. This gives you serious Italian flavor with way less fat and carbs and its a great way to disguise some of those vegetable that you should eat but don't really care for (like mushrooms, in my case).

Back in the saddle

Can I consider it back in the saddle when it's only been a week back on plan and one day of exercise? Pardon me if this sounds repetitive, but this is my blog, my world, I can consider it whatever the hell I choose and I CHOOSE to consider myself back in the saddle.
Since my Jan.1 revolution/mind screwing is in full effect, life seems easier to manage. This time of year is also pretty busy at the courthouse, what with budget pow-wows and all, so I will be spending ALOT of time in the courthouse, which makes it easier to stay on track. Take yesterday, for example, I had my shake to start with, took a mug of coffee and a liter of water with me to the courthouse and had a bar and some puffs in my purse. I had my bar around 10:30 and 2 cups of coffee and I think I refilled my water twice. I was contemplating eating the puffs but knew I had chili back at the office waiting patiently in my cute, little, thermal tote, so I held off. I left the courthouse at approximately 3:30. (Yes, it was more than 2-3 hours between meals, but it was okay, I was busy and not thinking about food.) Upon getting back to the office I had my chili, worked until 5, made a couple of quick stops then headed home. I headed straight for the ellpitical, barely even said hello to the children and proceeded to sweat for 35 minutes. (Yes, I know my goal is to work out for 45 minutes at a shot, but when one's ass hasn't been on the elliptical in several weeks, its good to ease that ass back into things.) After a quick shower I made a pancake muffin (meal 4) and then we went out for supper for mom's birthday and YES I even stayed on plan at Darrell's Place, how you may ask? I made my own salad (yes, you can do that) lots of tomatoes, a few black olives and a sprinkle of egg. I got a little cup for my dressing (that's allowed there, too) and I ordered a grilled chicken filet with lettuce, tomato and pickle, hold the bun. I thoroughly enjoyed my salad, as they do taste better when you don't have to make them. I dipped my fork in the dressing and had a wonderful piece of chicken. When we got home I had a brownie and headed to bed.
Today has been busy as well and other than a quick hunger pang I got around 2:00 (eased by a cup of coffee with SF hazlenut flavoring) I've had a great, on plan day. Oh and I was down 4 pounds....1 more and I am back to 50 gone. 6 more and I am back to where I was in early December. 24 more until goal...that is soooooo doable.

Cocoa roasted

almonds just might be the greatest creation known to man...seriously, they are orgasmic. They have no more fat, calories or carbs than a regular roasted almond AND, they come in 100 cal packs...seriously cats, find these, you won't regret the purchase.
I was telling Coach K earlier today that I cannot believe the mind fucking I do to myself...I struggled and struggled and struggled until yesterday..It was January 2 and I had told myself several weeks ago, 'Self, (that's what I call me when I'm talking to myself)...you have free reign until after Jan. 1, you can start over then.' and now, that's it's Jan. 3, it's like going off plan isn't even an option...WHY am I such a mind freak about this????? Talk about stupidity!
Anywho....here we are completely starting over and so far, so good! I have even set a goal. I want to lose 30 more pounds, that will be 76 total pounds lost. (Why 76, you may ask? well, because I did not START on a weight divisible by 5 and my goal weight does...) I also have a deadline. I want those 30 pounds gone by March 1. Too much too soon you say? Bullshit I say...On plan our plan averages a 2-5 pound per week loss. That means I have 10 weeks to lose 30 pounds. When I have GOOD, on plan, exercising weeks, I can knock out 5-7 pounds. I am SOOOO capable of doing this. March 1 also means 10 months. i can say I lost 76 pounds in 10 months. Then a year from now I want to be able to say, I lost 76 pounds in 10 months and have kept it off. So, inner circle, if you are stalking, I say, we need to set a date, say in March (hmm perhaps coinciding with Coach K's annual birthday outing?) to get our celebratory and or, much discussed ink.....It's time to start making that threat of tattooing the Chinese symbol for WOMAN on my ass a reality.....