small bites of reality are what I am focusing on today. Small bites of anything would be progress at this point. With the gradual reemergence of chin number three which had disappeared leaving chins one and two hanging out on their own, its time to really slap my self silly and get out of my "damn it all to hell mode". Still, I am not starting completely until Monday, partially due to the said party I am attending and partially due to what MF food I have on hand and when I will be able to order my next shipment. That doesn't mean I am ordering cheddar crisps and tenderloins for breakfast, nosiree...I had a fiber plus bar and a yogurt so far today and have been journaling. Funny how millions of studies and thousands of weight loss gurus have hocked the idea that a food journal is key in weight loss success and I only choose to partially listen. I choose to journal like a 12 year old babbling about Beiber fever in her diary in the early stages of the program and then when I know I've eaten something I shouldn't I stop journaling. Which is like lying to myself. My ass knows that the cupcake was inhaled, but part of me thinks that if I fail to write it down, my mind will forget about it. Yeah, that's really not the point. The point of journaling is so you can visually SEE everything you put in your mouth and say, "WHOA mule." Before you do too much damage. Like 20 pounds of damage, which is what I fear I've done. And that perhaps is the cold hard, raw truth of this. I was within what 10 pounds of my original goal and I may have just set myself back three months because of what? I dunno. Boredom. A case of mild-depression. Stress. A combination of all of it? I'm not sure. Yeah, I know, read my workbooks, focus on a chapter. Find alternatives to dealing with my "issues" that don't involve eating. Easier said than done.
So, today my Fiber PLus bar, which is the coconut one that totally tastes like those chocolate coconut girl scout cookies, had 120 calories, 4 grams of fat 10 net carbs and 2 grams of protein. Yogurt 110 cals, no fat, 20 carbs 6 protein. I will be doing my damndest today to have a good lunch. I'm thinking a salad from subway, sans dressing. It will be challenging, as we have leftovers from Working Womens's, which features all kinds of munchies, dips, crackers, etc, which are the foods I love that I have trouble with. Honestly, I can avoid the sweets. I can ignore candy, cake, cookies. I can ignore pizza, french fries, cheese balls. But, put out a dip of some sort with chips, cheese and crackers and little smokies and I cave like Charlie Sheen at a crack house.
I managed to avoid any and all coverage of the Royal Wedding on TV this morning. I will admit that I looked up a few pictures on line. Kate looked stunning. I wanted to give her sister Pippa a sandwich. She looked fabulous, but I'm sure her hip bones could carve a roast.
I realized I am going straight to hell, because as I'm absorbing the coverage of the tornadoes in the south, all I can think of is the Jeff Foxworthy bit that talked about how when covering storm damage in the south, there is always the one woman on television in her pink sponge rollers and house coat saying, "I saw her trailer fly away and all I could think of was Caroline still has my casserole dish!" Yep, I will burn a little extra for that one.
I swear to all that is holy if I have to watch anymore coverage of the NFL draft, I will throw my husband through the television. (Yes, i realize yesterday was only the first round and that it will be on all freakin weekend, but seriously...we've watched 8 fucking weeks of "Path to the Draft" which is like any other sports show---a bunch of idiots in suits who know nothing talking and speculating on stuff they cannot predict and if they manage to guess correctly they talk about how they are "MAsters of the Universe," and if they don't guess it correctly, the lament the owners and coaches and call them idiots.) Honestly, I think I get dumber just by being in the same room with that drivel on.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
See I told you I'd be back
In my quest to indoctrinate myself back into the TSFL world, I have been going back and reading some of my favorite blogs. Except for Lynn's cuz, well, she's a whack job. One of the other weight loss/MF blogs I visit, the author has jumped back in the saddle after being off plan herself, so she and I may have a few things in common. Anywho, she pointed me in the direction of Sandy's Kitchen, which is chock FULL of all kinds of glorious recipes that have me kind of pumped to get back in the swing of things. I've already printed out a few and plan to see what I have on hand and what I need to buy or order. Another blog, not weight loss related, that i happened to stumble upon is Our Best Bites which gave me some super cute and super cool treats to make for miss Jaci's birthday, which will be here in just a few weeks, so that's cool. Check them both out if you have a minute. If you want exact links, message me and I will provide them.
The main reason for me being back this afternoon is I am trying to keep myself busy as JM is on a conference call for JJ's unemployment appeal. It's nerve racking and its like living that day all over again, which as much as I couldn't stand the kid, I don't like having to repeat it, for it was not a shining moment for me. I feel sorry for the guy and I think it sucks that it had to come to where it did but I don't feel guilty. He deserves what he got. He's got problems that need addressed and they had needed addressed long before it came to where it did.
It's funny how, with him gone, my stress level and annoyance level should have seen massive improvements, but it really didn't. I should clarify. My stress level work wise has decreased, but my annoyance level remains high and my non work stress remains the same. Perhaps I am the one with the issues, huh? I guess the real annoyance I have in all of this, is no one should have 13 different DOCUMENTED incidents of inappropriate office conduct and get away with it. No management worth a lick of salt should have let these things pile up the way they did and no one should be scared to go to work because of the tension and environment.
WHEW enough of that serious crap, besides the conference call is over now....
While its gloriously sunny out right now, I hate this weather because I'm half cold/half sweaty. The track meet will suck because I will probably be warm as it starts and be freezing my ass off before its over! At least its not raining and we were able to actually get one in! I desperately need some 70-80 degree weather, it could go far in improving my mood and disposition.
The main reason for me being back this afternoon is I am trying to keep myself busy as JM is on a conference call for JJ's unemployment appeal. It's nerve racking and its like living that day all over again, which as much as I couldn't stand the kid, I don't like having to repeat it, for it was not a shining moment for me. I feel sorry for the guy and I think it sucks that it had to come to where it did but I don't feel guilty. He deserves what he got. He's got problems that need addressed and they had needed addressed long before it came to where it did.
It's funny how, with him gone, my stress level and annoyance level should have seen massive improvements, but it really didn't. I should clarify. My stress level work wise has decreased, but my annoyance level remains high and my non work stress remains the same. Perhaps I am the one with the issues, huh? I guess the real annoyance I have in all of this, is no one should have 13 different DOCUMENTED incidents of inappropriate office conduct and get away with it. No management worth a lick of salt should have let these things pile up the way they did and no one should be scared to go to work because of the tension and environment.
WHEW enough of that serious crap, besides the conference call is over now....
While its gloriously sunny out right now, I hate this weather because I'm half cold/half sweaty. The track meet will suck because I will probably be warm as it starts and be freezing my ass off before its over! At least its not raining and we were able to actually get one in! I desperately need some 70-80 degree weather, it could go far in improving my mood and disposition.
Hmmmm
I guess Hmmm is what I say, when I have nothing else to say. Its been nearly a month since I've blogged and nearly a month since I stepped on the scale. Both seem to be strangely intertwined. I have decided, with some not so subtle prodding from a dear friend who shall remain anonymous, (Its called tough love) to step back on that scale and as my husband would say, get back in the saddle.
Funny, when I rode horse all those years, it was ON the saddle not IN it, but I digress.
In the past 22 days since I have blogged, I have really not done much in the way of exercising. I have not eaten properly, although I have discovered that I love vanilla Greek yogurt with fresh blackberries. So, I have eaten a few proper things. I have been avoiding vegetables like the plague, unless you count when I load all the veggies on my club sub. (which I do get on honey oat bread with mustard and no cheese) so while I'm not failing in the epic proportion of the word fail, I'm still pretty much a Class A fuck up. I'm not eating entire frozen pizzas covered in ranch dressing or tubes of cookie dough, although the thought has crossed my mind, but I'm not doing what I need to be doing, that is obvious and its come to the point of, do I throw what I have accomplished down the toilet or do I suck it up? Seeing as how my $150 jeans are approaching unwearable status because of my fucking up, its time to suck it up.
Monday is my new official start day because this will truly be a 100% restart of the program, a detox if you will. I'm terrified of what the scale will say. I'm more terrified of what it won't say the following week. I'm struggling with the numbers game because as I told Coach, my inner "you're annoying the fuck out of me, I hate you all because I am miserable" bitch comes out whether my ass is in size 20's or size 12's. So, I have to decide if not having to shop in the fat girl section anymore is enough for me. I do have to admit I did feel better while on plan and I did have a shitton more energy than I do now, so I was a more energetic, needing less sleep bitch, which is probably a plus :)
You're probably reading this thinking, "Yeah, sure, we've heard this shit before." Or you're thinking, "If you're serious about restarting, start tomorrow, or why didn't you start today." The truth of the matter is, I plan to go to a party on Saturday. I will also (weather permitting, Mother Nature you're a dirty whore, so please quit talking rain Saturday) be golfing on Saturday, for the first time in about 15 years, so I would imagine many a beer will be drank and there's no sense in starting today when I fully intend to indulge in several "pork chops in a can" which would totally derail and progress. It's not an excuse, its the truth and one I'm fine with.
Now, for the real point of my blog..me getting to whine and complain about everything in sight!!!! WOO HOO!!!
I found the freaking jailbird hat....the entire plastic bag with the hat and tights were in Drew's room. I'm not even going to ask why or how, but I am assuming it had to do with the "dress up marathon" that happened confirmation Sunday with Jaci and her cousins.
I am waiting eagerly for tomorrow, tis the day of the Royal Wedding....and FUCK NO I'm not watching it! I can't wait for the shit to be done with so we can perhaps focus on the fact that 200 people were killed in tornadoes last night and not on what clothing might be in one of 10 garment bags Kate and her cronies were seen with!!!!
The whole birther thing makes me shake my head and say, "Only in America" and not in a good way. While personally, I don't give a shit what Donald Trump says or thinks and never have, I have to wonder why when POB (That's President Barack Obama) talks about having bigger issues to tackle and more important things to worry about, that he isn't tackling these bigger issues? Fine, release the birth certificate, make a statement as to the ridiculousness of having to do so and get back to work, why call a press conference and give a speech? Why not just say, "Here's the damn certificate, now shut up?"
I'm sure I have many more things to bitch about, and perhaps I'll be back later when I think of them, but my third cup of coffee is calling to me and if I don't answer it soon I may have to bitch slap the next person I see. Peace out stalker friends.
Funny, when I rode horse all those years, it was ON the saddle not IN it, but I digress.
In the past 22 days since I have blogged, I have really not done much in the way of exercising. I have not eaten properly, although I have discovered that I love vanilla Greek yogurt with fresh blackberries. So, I have eaten a few proper things. I have been avoiding vegetables like the plague, unless you count when I load all the veggies on my club sub. (which I do get on honey oat bread with mustard and no cheese) so while I'm not failing in the epic proportion of the word fail, I'm still pretty much a Class A fuck up. I'm not eating entire frozen pizzas covered in ranch dressing or tubes of cookie dough, although the thought has crossed my mind, but I'm not doing what I need to be doing, that is obvious and its come to the point of, do I throw what I have accomplished down the toilet or do I suck it up? Seeing as how my $150 jeans are approaching unwearable status because of my fucking up, its time to suck it up.
Monday is my new official start day because this will truly be a 100% restart of the program, a detox if you will. I'm terrified of what the scale will say. I'm more terrified of what it won't say the following week. I'm struggling with the numbers game because as I told Coach, my inner "you're annoying the fuck out of me, I hate you all because I am miserable" bitch comes out whether my ass is in size 20's or size 12's. So, I have to decide if not having to shop in the fat girl section anymore is enough for me. I do have to admit I did feel better while on plan and I did have a shitton more energy than I do now, so I was a more energetic, needing less sleep bitch, which is probably a plus :)
You're probably reading this thinking, "Yeah, sure, we've heard this shit before." Or you're thinking, "If you're serious about restarting, start tomorrow, or why didn't you start today." The truth of the matter is, I plan to go to a party on Saturday. I will also (weather permitting, Mother Nature you're a dirty whore, so please quit talking rain Saturday) be golfing on Saturday, for the first time in about 15 years, so I would imagine many a beer will be drank and there's no sense in starting today when I fully intend to indulge in several "pork chops in a can" which would totally derail and progress. It's not an excuse, its the truth and one I'm fine with.
Now, for the real point of my blog..me getting to whine and complain about everything in sight!!!! WOO HOO!!!
I found the freaking jailbird hat....the entire plastic bag with the hat and tights were in Drew's room. I'm not even going to ask why or how, but I am assuming it had to do with the "dress up marathon" that happened confirmation Sunday with Jaci and her cousins.
I am waiting eagerly for tomorrow, tis the day of the Royal Wedding....and FUCK NO I'm not watching it! I can't wait for the shit to be done with so we can perhaps focus on the fact that 200 people were killed in tornadoes last night and not on what clothing might be in one of 10 garment bags Kate and her cronies were seen with!!!!
The whole birther thing makes me shake my head and say, "Only in America" and not in a good way. While personally, I don't give a shit what Donald Trump says or thinks and never have, I have to wonder why when POB (That's President Barack Obama) talks about having bigger issues to tackle and more important things to worry about, that he isn't tackling these bigger issues? Fine, release the birth certificate, make a statement as to the ridiculousness of having to do so and get back to work, why call a press conference and give a speech? Why not just say, "Here's the damn certificate, now shut up?"
I'm sure I have many more things to bitch about, and perhaps I'll be back later when I think of them, but my third cup of coffee is calling to me and if I don't answer it soon I may have to bitch slap the next person I see. Peace out stalker friends.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Throwing away the scale
Technically I did not throw it away, I am too cheap to do that. I did however put it away. There is logic behind it. I am addicted to scale hopping. I can't stop it and if the scale is sitting in front of me, I will step on it. Repeatedly, hoping the find the magic number that pleases me. I hang a few toes off one side, I rest my forehead on the wall, I kind of lean to the left, putting more weight on that side of the scale, thinking that it will make the numbers drop, I suck my stomach in (as if that makes a difference.) I will honestly, if I am home all day, step on the scale at least 4 different times. Do I know better? Yes. Does this stop me? No. Last week I had finally managed to worm my way out of my self-induced case of headupassitis. I was doing wonderfully. I stepped on the scale on my fifth wonderfully on plan day expecting to see a 4-5 pound loss. (When I was kicking ass on this program, whatever the scale said on Friday was usually within a pound of what my weigh in was on Tuesday.) I had lost a half a pound. A HALF A POUND! That is like, forgetting to take a piss before weigh-in. So, what did i do? I had a little pity party on Saturday night that consisted of several drinks and some bar pizza. SO. It's official. I am not weighing in for a few weeks. My scale will remain incognito. I am doing well this week, no bouts of cookie dough induced comas or anything like that. I did have some fresh pineapple last night, which is totally taboo on this plan but my mind has trouble with the whole "fresh fruit is evil" concept.
On a side note, watch out Zumba coven, I have recovered fully from my fall and have full intention of crashing the ritual tomorrow. There should be loads of comedic stories to follow that!
On a side note, watch out Zumba coven, I have recovered fully from my fall and have full intention of crashing the ritual tomorrow. There should be loads of comedic stories to follow that!
Friday, April 1, 2011
I must apologize
for my blog on my mission to have a smaller ass has been morphed into a place where I can just come and bitch about things and share semi-inspiring, semi-entertaining anecdotes. I think it's because at the current rate my mission is failing faster than Lindsay Lohan's addiction counselor and while lately I've sucked at losing weight, I have grown quite good at maintaining it (meaning, gaining and losing the same 8 pounds over and over.)
It is by no means the fault of anyone or anything but myself. I have put wants before needs. I have crossed to the dark side and bought sweets and bread and have thoroughly enjoyed them while knowing the entire time that I am sabotaging my efforts. I have had a series of "fuck it" days.
Yes, I need to snap out of it and soon. Quite honestly, I think I am going to stop thinking about it and just do it.
On the positive side, work on Couch 2 5K has continued to progress....my ass hurts and so do my shins, but such is life. Also, I have decided my lungs are not happy with the 2.2 cigarettes I drunkenly smoke on an annual basis, as I tend to hock up half a lung after each C25K work out.
But enough about that...
Hot soup is good, but on a warm day, it makes me sweaty...
I have crossed to another dark side, as DH decided to purchase a family membership at a golf course. (Ummm honey, we don't golf) He says he can take clients there, which is his main reason for the purchase. I think it's because he was caught in a drunk moment of weakness and Fred and Bryan are good salesmen. Now, the mission to find golf clubs and golf shoes.....perhaps I will just head out there on ladies night and help Sam drive the booze cart, it seems much less dangerous to me.
I wonder if people who randomly post song lyrics on FB are drunk when they do so....I know the prompt say, "what's on your mind" and people, myself included, get random song lyrics stuck in their heads, but...if song lyrics are all you have to share then, you need to get out more. (Or as I mentioned if they are posted in moments of drunkenness, perhaps get out less.)
Extremely ironic, I put on a new necklace and earrings set I bought last week at the ACH jewelry fair. It was the first time I had worn it. I get to work and my co-worker has the EXACT same set on. Too funny for that to happen when there are only three of us in the office!
I need to apologize in advance for anyone who may be terrorized by a scrawny red head driving a mini van. Drew got his learner's permit and it's terrifying. I asked my mother how she lived through 3 children getting their permits and learning to drive. She said, "Do you wonder why A. I still clutch the "oh shit" handles in a vehicle, no matter who is driving and B. I drink." I am tuning into my mother :)
It is by no means the fault of anyone or anything but myself. I have put wants before needs. I have crossed to the dark side and bought sweets and bread and have thoroughly enjoyed them while knowing the entire time that I am sabotaging my efforts. I have had a series of "fuck it" days.
Yes, I need to snap out of it and soon. Quite honestly, I think I am going to stop thinking about it and just do it.
On the positive side, work on Couch 2 5K has continued to progress....my ass hurts and so do my shins, but such is life. Also, I have decided my lungs are not happy with the 2.2 cigarettes I drunkenly smoke on an annual basis, as I tend to hock up half a lung after each C25K work out.
But enough about that...
Hot soup is good, but on a warm day, it makes me sweaty...
I have crossed to another dark side, as DH decided to purchase a family membership at a golf course. (Ummm honey, we don't golf) He says he can take clients there, which is his main reason for the purchase. I think it's because he was caught in a drunk moment of weakness and Fred and Bryan are good salesmen. Now, the mission to find golf clubs and golf shoes.....perhaps I will just head out there on ladies night and help Sam drive the booze cart, it seems much less dangerous to me.
I wonder if people who randomly post song lyrics on FB are drunk when they do so....I know the prompt say, "what's on your mind" and people, myself included, get random song lyrics stuck in their heads, but...if song lyrics are all you have to share then, you need to get out more. (Or as I mentioned if they are posted in moments of drunkenness, perhaps get out less.)
Extremely ironic, I put on a new necklace and earrings set I bought last week at the ACH jewelry fair. It was the first time I had worn it. I get to work and my co-worker has the EXACT same set on. Too funny for that to happen when there are only three of us in the office!
I need to apologize in advance for anyone who may be terrorized by a scrawny red head driving a mini van. Drew got his learner's permit and it's terrifying. I asked my mother how she lived through 3 children getting their permits and learning to drive. She said, "Do you wonder why A. I still clutch the "oh shit" handles in a vehicle, no matter who is driving and B. I drink." I am tuning into my mother :)
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