Pulled one over

on Wally-world. Well, not technically, I just gave them the stink eye and reminded them of their latest advertising campaign, "Match it..Match it..match it." I went to Atl Saturday, fully intending to shop at Hy-Vee so I could use their buy 10 get 5 free Powerade coupon. Drew called as we were in Brayton needing extra socks, so, change of plans, Wal-Mart it is. I remembered that they honor other stores coupons and price match. So I picked up my 15  32 oz bottles of Powerade Zero and the rest of the things I needed and proceeded to the check out, where I was told they didn't honor BOGO coupons...hmmm I said, "No where on your ads does it say that and in all honesty, if it weren't for these $3.50 socks here I would be purchasing all of these goods at Hy-Vee." So, she called the manager who said he "wanted to make me happy" (Sorry dude, unless you magically convert me into a size 5 while simultaneously changing yourself into Jon Bon Jovi, I will not be "happy" while in a Wal-Mart) He did make me content however, by offering me 10 powerades at half price or 39 cents each...bonus. Well the Wal-mart checker, being the rocket scientist they normally are misunderstood and gave me all 15 of them at half price. That's 15-32 oz bottles of Powerade for $5.85 :) Boo-ya....
That was about as productive as it got for me over the weekend. Busy. Lots of stuff going on, but found plenty of time to relax and enjoy, as well. Diet wise, we did ok...drank too much, but such is life. Weighed in this morning as three day weekends always screw up my time table. Tomorrow will be Tuesday all day, guaranteed..anywho, down another 2 pounds...we will take it.
Today's goal--more water, flush the system out...
Today's reason for losing weight--Its still the skinny jeans hanging on my wall mocking me. I want them to stop mocking and start fitting...

A pile of

randomness...I feel the need to purge (thoughts that is)
I can't help but be mildly entertained when listening to KISS 107.5 and the "Christian" station starts fuzzing in and out... "Sex in the air I don't care I love the smell of Jesus loves me this I know..." how can that not make you laugh out loud?
Speaking of that song, rarely do I turn the channel when I have the kids with me, if a song that they "shouldn't" listen to comes on, but this one I do...it kind of creeps me out and makes me want to take a shower after listening to it.
I can say that I never once watched a second of this season's "American Idol", "Biggest Loser" or "Dancing with the Stars." And I feel somewhat smarter because of it...(not to put down anyone who does watch these three shows, I just had zero interest in any of them)
Jicama intrigues me..evidently it intrigues spell check, as well, as it keeps wanting me to change it to Jamaica....
I heard that a guy in Florida got pulled over and eventually busted for drug possession. They found the stuff up his ass...he claimed it wasn't his..."I'm sorry ociffer, someone must have shoved this bag of coke up my ass without my noticing." (Thud...) BUT in all honestly, it makes me wonder if the drug dog truly detected the drugs or if he was just being a typical dog and sniffing ass?
Speaking of dogs, I do like dogs, I am a dog person, however, I draw the line at letting something that eats its own shit lick my face...
I understand that around these parts "extreme" couponing, to the extent that is shown on TV is not possible because we don't have stores that have "store cards" and those that allow double coupons. I get that, fine, whatever, I see no need to coupon to that extreme. What I don't understand about the whole process is-- what in the FUCK does a person do with 178 bottles of laundry soap? I commend those that purchase these ridiculous amounts of products and then donate them to charity and I'm all about doing what you can to save money. But there was a chick on there last night that would have to eat Hamburger Helper everyday for 2 years in order to eat it all before its expiration date. Now, I don't know about you, but I like a little variety. Also, have you noticed that the majority of the people on this show are overweight? Hmmm processed food much???? I guess I don't buy stuff just because I have a coupon for it, or because its on sale..I buy the shit I need, if its on sale, or if I remember that I have a coupon for it, then bonus...
I cannot say the word coupon without saying it in Ron White fashion... "Koo-pin"
Last night, decent night, had a burger wrapped in lettuce leaves with a side salad and some cauliflower..made the crunch bar/brownie cookies, they were good (ate the other two already today)...
Tonight's meal will be dash and dine, not sure what I will have, as I have to drive to my mom's to get Jaci, ,bring her to dance, where I plan to walk, drive back to my mom's to pick up Drew and drop jaci off, as Drew has a cattle show this weekend and is working diligently to get the calves ready and won't be done in time to leave with the rest of us prior to dance..AND he has driver's ed at 7 bells tomorrow morning, so Jaci is staying over at grandma's to avoid the 6 a.m. wake up call...eeshhh when does school start again?
goal of exercise last night= epic fail---such is life
Goal tonight--sensible dine and dash, or perhaps have that 5th meal at 6 ish and have my L&G around 8...
Today's reason for losing weight---more energy (yeah, not really exciting or prolific, but I do appreciate the extra energy being on plan and being smaller provides)

swai

is my new discovery...don't ask me how to pronounce it, or where specifically it comes from. I just know that it is a nice, cheap, meaty, very mild fish. Food Pride (er Audubon Foods, sorry) has it for like 89 cents a package right now. Two packages equals one serving. I wrapped mine in foil sprinkled it with dill and squeezed a little lemon juice on it and threw it on the grill (frozen mind you) grilled that puppy for 20 minutes. It was good. Not fishy AT ALL. Which is how I like my fish. Funny, I know, but I know a lot of people who don't want their fish to taste "fishy" which means they don't want to eat anything that tastes like pond water. It sort of reminds me of the people that say, 'It tastes just like chicken.' If I hear that, then I say, "Then I will just order the chicken" because anything that "tastes just like chicken" is meant to be worn, not eaten... (alligator, snake, etc.)
I added some grilled asparagus to my plate along with the rest of my kale baked into kale chips...yummm.
I made my goal of not having any bites last night..whoo hoo, small steps, kids, small steps...
I didn't get a walk in last night, but I did do some gardening and weed pulling, my pig shit infused garden is very happy, my thumb just might turn green yet!
Today's reason for losing weight: getting a new sparkly belt
Today's goal: exercise of some sort, even if I can't get outside to do it.

Really? Really?

Seriously...some people just need kicked in the teeth, repeatedly....and often...like hourly. I mean the audacity people have nowadays is just astounding. It makes me wonder how some people sleep at night. Anyway, enough about that....pointless people will not fuck up my day, so there!
Anywho...even being on plan it really is amazing how difficult it is to avoid a bite this time around. When I first started on plan, I didn't really allow a bite here or a bite there. I would make potato salad, or something like that, for the family and the would just have to be happy with how it tasted. This time around, I'm finding myself lacking the resolve to not take that "taste". I think until you are on this plan, you can't grasp that concept. I know I have heard from NP's (non-plan peeps) that, "oh it's just a bite." And while that may be true, those "bites" all add up and can throw you out of fat burn in a heart beat because no body just has ONE bite. It's a bit of this and a taste of that and a bite of whatever that is, because just one bite won't hurt. Well in the grand scheme of things, yes, one bite won't kill me, BUT it will seriously extend the time it takes to drop these last 20 pounds.
I made potato salad the other night and didn't hesitate to taste it because I have not been diligent this time around. What I've realized I should have done is swished the potato salad around in my mouth then spit it out into the garbage! Yes, that might officially turn me into a whack job, but the point of the matter is, sometimes there really is a terrible struggle in avoiding "just one bite."
So my goal this week, no bites...no tastes. If I'm not going to give up my beer, then I must give up my bites. Plain and simple.
Reason for losing weight--my tire returned and this time its a tractor tire. The weight I gained back, all went directly to my stomach. It's hideous. I feel like a blob....bleh...
BTW- 2 miles walked last night...the way the weather is looking, its not looking too promising for a walk this evening. Rat bastards....

Just a quickie

...sorry kids, not long to chat, weigh in this week was only down a pound, BUT I totally deserved the one pound loss as I I had excess drinking due to excess stress....yeah, yeah, yeah, blowing that whole optimal health thing to shit, I KNOW but you know what, i am not giving up my booze and if that makes me sound like a need a 12 step program, so be it. I just tend to make wiser booze decisions (i.e. Select 55, Ultra, one glass of wine versus and entire bottle) when I'm not stressed out. When I am stressed and pissy, I tend to drink whatever's around :) and I'm positive the steak I ate was a bigger lean portion than required, but I avoided the garlic mashed with white gravy, so suck it Trebeck....
Kale chips were a victory..while yes they were not like eating a potato chip, they did satisfy that crispy munchie thing that is needed. And they were super simple.. spray a baking sheet with PAM, tear up desired amount of kale, sprinkle with seasoning..I'm a garlic freak, so garlic powder it was. Bake at like 425-450 for seriously 3-4 minutes...that's it. i spritzed the with some ranch dressing spritz and really enjoyed them. Kale has sort of a spinachy/lettuce type taste..it was a nice afternoon snack.
Three mile walk last Thursday while Jaci was at dance...felt good. Walking tonight as Jaci starts t-ball...and so the summer fun begins!

Oh my gravy!

(Yes, Cord, I'm stealing that for this post) I think I'm in love with PB2. I may start sprinkling that shit on everything. (I will have to check with Coach K on how much of this powdery peanutty goodness one is allowed.) Thank God I don't have an entire jar of it. I only have a plastic baggie of it. (I'm looking like a junkie..my little plastic bag full of powdered peanut butter that I may start snorting. Be careful if you see me rolling up a $20.) I think I could get in trouble with it, so I may have to give my jar to Coach and have her ration it out to me in little baggies. She can be my peanut butter crack dealer. :)
I made the Peanut butter cup and just had one for snack with my morning coffee. OMFG. I seriously am in love...not just like, not just infatuation, not just a crush. I seriously fucking love it. PB2 about a tablespoon of it, mixed with water to make it a creamy past in the bottom of a little container, one packet of hot chocolate mixed with 3 T of water spread it over the Pb mixture and freeze for an hour. I pulled mine out of the freezer when the chocolate was still kind of soft, almost a thick pudding like consistency. I seriously licked the freaking bowl. SOOOO good. Now I'm cursing that I didn't order hot cocoa. I'm going to try it with chocolate pudding and see if it works.
We had a super support meeting last night. Kind of like a stitch and bitch, without sewing. Its nice to be able to talk with others who are on the plan, whether struggling with it, or kicking its ass like Lora is. It's nice to know there are other people in the boat to share with. The what works, what doesn't. How you feel, the why's...what your starting weight actually was, that sort of thing. (It was kind of a mini victory for me. Before last night, Coach was the only one who knew my starting weight. My husband doesn't even know this number. Now there are three others who do...you can now consider yourselves in the inner circle.) I told them what my starting weight was and what I had lost and they could do the math...It was a nice little motivator, ass kick type of event. I need that, a lot. In fact, we all do. We told Coach she needed to start harassing us, literally. Like at random times during the day a text saying, "Hey Fat Sajack (thank you HM) step away from the pizza and go heat up your soup," would be helpful.
I'm having a growly moment...its one of those "Are you fucking kidding me?" type of things. I'm trying not to let it bother me, or get me down, but the situation is seriously starting to annoy the piss out of me. I realize that not everyone's priorities are on the same page, but the extreme selfishness and disregard for other people's feelings/people in general, that I have witnessed in the last 24 hours blows my fucking mind. For the sake of keeping the peace and not breaking any kneecaps, I'm going to try and just let it go. I just hope someday I don't let a Jeremiah Weed induced rampage loose because it could get ugly. And in the words of Forrest, "That's all I have to say about that."
I'm thinking its going to be a cauliflower pizza night. I saw the recipe on line as I was searching for the tater tot recipe to share and it just sounds good. I'll make it a spinach and chicken alfredo one, as I have spinach that needs eaten. (Which could be another reason for the morning's growliness....Bag of spinach lying on top shelf of fridge. Open carton of heavy cream (used for a recipe--why the remainder of it wasn't thrown away, is beyond me, so don't ask) spills in fridge. No one notices or bothers to clean it up. Mom opens fridge this morning to find several funky colored drips of God knows what down the front of every shelf--upon investigation, spilled cream container is found-- bag of spinach is covered in half frozen cream, so I had to transfer the spinach to a rubbermaid container....I also did not have time to properly clean the fridge, so I tossed the majority of the cream covered shit and took the offensive shelf out and put it in the sink. Needless to say, I will have a lovely treat when I get home.)
Ahhhh the joys of being a grown up..

Hey lookie here

It's a blog and what I think I am supposed to do is write on it?? It's funny, every time I open my blog it brings up my "dashboard" for managing my blog and it says I only have one blog. I always think, FFS people, I have enough trouble managing one blog and writing one blog, I could not imagine thinking oh enough shit to write on two or more of them!
This pos is going to be full of randomness because frankly, weight loss efforts are boring to me right now. Week two down two pounds, blah, blah, blah..I have tried no new recipes, although I did buy kale and am looking forward to making kale chips, I'll let ya know how that goes... (I'm not seeing how leafy green shit baked in the over will translate into chippy goodness...we shall see.
Saturday night, first time for everything, I was the DD, stayed stone cold sober the entire night....don't get used to it people, it won't happen often...
Sunday, I went to commencement where the crotchety old bitchy lady came out. (Seriously, I felt like a younger, slimmer Kenny with a vagina) "Excuse me little punk in the band/choir...you're wearing ripped up jeans, a t-shirt and flip flops?' What the fuck happened to formals? Or at the very least dress clothes? To me, this is a reflection on the teachers, too. I don't care if you had to sit half of the goddamned choir in the chorus room, if one of my students showed up dressed in torn jeans and flip flops, they would not have sung and they would not have passed the assignment. Have some pride and self respect. I can hear the argument now. "Not all the kids have formals or can afford one." When I was a freshman I didn't have one either and wasn't going to go buy one. It's called borrowing. I had a neighbor who had a daughter who was a few years older than I. She had a formal. I wore it for 2 hours and gave it back to her. End of story. There were some kids dressed up, but the majority of them looked like shit.
Whew...that wore me out I might have to be done for the day....peace out peeps.

It's a 2-fer

for your reading enjoyment! Actually, I wrote the previous post yesterday but when I went to load it, the blogger site was down, so I was unable to share it yesterday. Today, you get two for the price of one.
I did not reach my goal yesterday. Yes, Jaci and I were home alone and I was able to control 100% what came out of the kitchen. However, the only fish I had was salmon and I really wasn't in the mood for something that "fishy" and I had no chicken breasts that were thawed out. Yes, I could have defrosted one in the microwave, but when you do that the edges sometimes "cook" and then they get all hard and chewy on the edges. Hamburger was thawed and in the fridge, so hamburger patties it was. I had mine with a slice of tomato, pickle and mustard, no bun of course and a big salad on the side. Jace had a bun (with her burger) and some left over mac and cheese.
However, while I "failed" at the leaner lean portion, I did take a walk while Jaci was at dance, it was a gorgeous night. I logged 2.2 miles in about 33 minutes. I didn't do anything crazy like run or even  jog any portion of it because I was walking the city streets and didn't want anyone "watching" me. Now, I know what you're thinking, "When you do these 5k's people will be watching." Yes, I realize that, BUT other people will be running/walking the same course, so there will be more people than just me huffing/puffing/flopping around. My route had plenty of hills and it was really a nice, peaceful, enjoyable walk.
My baby girl is 7 on Monday, we're taking her to Claire's tomorrow to get her ears pierced. Should be a hoot. I'm making her dad go with because she would be a bawling/whiny mess with me, but with him there, I doubt she makes a peep. Its funny to think 7 years ago I started on my first weight loss journey. I did Weight Watchers, lost 30-some pounds, gave it up and gained it all and then some back! Here I am, 7 years later 50-some pounds gone, 20 some regained. The difference? I woke up before I gained all 50 back and am working on getting the 20 some and then some gone, and this time, gone for good.
Today's reason for losing weight: Ozark Mountain Jubilee (lake trip) is exactly, okay, not exactly, roughly 11 weeks away. boy would it be nice to wear a 2 piece. (disclaimer---not a bikini, that will never happen, but a tankini with a top that doesn't roll up on top my fat roll and one that has bottoms that don't roll down under my fat roll..bottom line...in the next 11 weeks, get rid of the fat roll!
Today's goal: No pop at Darrell's tonight. Iced tea or water only.

Oh, the magic of

Lycra. I was REALLy starting to feel like a fat cat (and you'll get the meaning of that reference here in a minute) until I realized the jeans that I KNEW should fit and didn't.. were 100% cotton. Yes, If I were true to the plan and had pulled my head out of my ass long ago, said jeans would be too big, but as it stands, jeans are now too tight. I can get them on, I just cannot sit or bend over for fear of rippage. Now my point is, the jeans in question are a 32. The jeans which I am comfortably wearing, with no worry of rippage are 31's. The difference? 1% lycra. It's amazing what 1% can do. But only 1% anymore than that and the jeans get way too stretchy and are four sizes too big by the end of the day.
Now for the fat cat reference. Please don't send PETA after my ass or anything, I own a freakin' farm full of animals, but I realized they are just that...animals. We are number one on the food chain for a reason. Anyway...our insanely fat- pregnant, whore, psycho cat has taken a shine to sitting on the roof of Miss Bonne and then will leap up into the rafters of the garage when anyone comes in our out of the house. Mr. Dan has taken a shine to using psycho whore cat as target practice when he sees her on Miss Bonne and the whore cat knows this, so she tends to try and scamper to the rafters as quickly as she can whenever the door opens. Last night, I opened the door to the garage to check on Jaci, who was playing outside, and there sits whore cat on the car. She sees me, jumps for the rafters, misses and manages to cling to the garage door opener. You see, she's underestimated her girth and the fact that she's freaking huge. She hung there by her two front paws, frantically trying to get her fat ass up on to the top of the garage door opener while her front claws were sliding on the plastic of the opener. The dogs started barking at the cat hanging in mid air, i was laughing my ass off and all of the sudden she looks around and lets out this huge "MEOW" that certainly had to be "What the fuck did I just do, would someone help me?" in kitty speak. I'm not sure if she eventually made it up or if she fell onto the car. There was a tuft of fur on the roof of the car, but no dent, so I'm thinking she must have gotten the strength to haul ass.
I tried another new recipe last night: (Its a few too may carbs for on plan, I only had two, I fed the rest to the family, telling them they were sweet potato fries, while I ate broccoli.
Butternut Squash French Fries
Take a butternut squash, peel off the skin. Cut the squash in two so you have the roundish bottom part and the long skinny top part. The seeds are in the bottom round part, so cut it in half and take the seeds and innards out of it. Use a crinkle cutter (if you have one) or just use a knife to slice the squash into french fries. Place the fries in a bowl. Toss with your favorite seasonings and 1 T EVOO. If you can't "afford" the healthy fat, then just spray your baking sheet with PAM and spritz a little on the squash pieces so the seasonings stick. bake in a 450 degree oven for 20-25 minutes. I used garlic and onion powder, black pepper and a salt free "salt" seasoning. They taste a lot like sweet potato fries, only squash has 40 calories and 9 carbs per FOUR ounce serving, versus a sweet potatoe's 54 calories and 10 net carbs per TWO oz. serving. So you can have twice the squash fries as you can sweet potato fries. Real sneaky way to get the kids to eat a good "orange" vegetable and when they dip them in ketchup, the kids gobble em right down. (Isn't that the kid way? Cover anything in ketchup or ranch dressing and chances are a 6 year old will eat it.)
Today's reason for losing weight: To say goodbye to the Lycra. While I love its magic, I really would just like to wear the 100% cotton :)
Goal: Leaner protein tonight. Too much beef and pork this week--its what's in the freezer so its easy, cheap and handy, but I need to get some fish and chicken, or maybe egg beaters into the mix tonight. The boys will be at a Squawk-eye rally, so I should be able to have free range over what the menu says.

Need sleepy

Although I am thrilled to be back on the "lots of energy" portion of the plan, I may have stayed up a little to late last night. I had started watching a show on TLC about a 16 year old girl who was like an 11 month old in size due to a chromosomal defect, before Drew's band concert, I didn't get to see the last half. Low and behold, it was on again at 10 last night, so...I watched it all. 11 p.m. bedtime, not bad, UNTIL, I got sucked into the Chaz Bono documentary...it was strangely fascinating. (It was about his/her whole "transition" from girl to boy.) I like how it showed Cher's struggle with coming to terms with it. She had a lot of trouble referring to her as him. It also showed Chaz's partner Jenny and her struggle with whether or not she's still a lesbian. That's a damn good question! It was interesting. A little creepy at times, to be honest, but interesting. Anywho...stayed up too late, ass is dragging a little today.
Now, not to be completely cheesy, but I started thinking about weight loss when I was watching the documentary and not because Chasity's boobs turned into some serious man boobs after her surgery. (That was the creepy part) It was the fact that he/she was so UNBELIEVABLY uncomfortable in her own body that she would do ANYTHING to change it. I sort of get that, but not every day and I think that's where my "challenge" was. When I started I was so uncomfortable in my own skin that I didn't care what I did as long as it worked. Thenwhen i lost 50 pounds,  I got a little more comfortable, okay, fine, TOO comfortable and I started gaining weight back. But the problem with me was, I was comfortable with my outside appearance, but still not comfortable with me, if that makes any sense....I needed a big ol dose of self love, I guess...I don't know that I necessarily got that, but it did get that uncomfortable lard ass feeling again and that was a good enough wake up call for me! Anywho..enough rambling about that! Bottom line, if you're uncomfortable with something in your life, chances are, you are the only one that can fix it, so fix it or learn to deal with it. :)
Now, for my moments of random complaining. Is nothing sacred? There is no more class king and queen. A meaningless tradition? Perhaps. Antiquated? Maybe. But its a tradition. Something that made our school a little different. Something more than just songs and scholarships on class night. Plus, it was an award that meant a little more because your classmates voted on it, unlike homecoming queen where horny freshman just vote for the "hot chicks." It's just one more sign that I'm getting old, I guess. I like my traditions. I like things that don't change. And while we are on the subject, this is another random bitch of mine where graduations are concerned...why is it that receptions are so spread out anymore? When I was a senior, there were a very few that had their receptions before or after class night (they were the ones who had first cousins in the class and Grandma did not want to have to choose whose house to camp out at all day on Sunday. She wanted to camp at one on Saturday and one on Sunday), everyone else had theirs after commencement. Yeah, it would have been sort of nice to go to your friends reception, but you knew that that wasn't going to happen, so you handed her a card after the tossing of the caps and told her you'd see her at the beer party that night. Now, planning a graduation reception takes the strategery of the Navy Seals that killed Bin Laden and take up four different weekends. Also, back in the day it was sandwiches of some sort, bbq beef or pork, or open faced cold, chips, cake, mints and punch. Today, its walking tacos, root beer floats, cupcake towers, ice cream sundae bars, prime rib sandwiches, hot wings, brunch...you name it...yeesh I can't wait to see what things will be like in four years when I'm going through it all first hand. (For anyone keeping track, yes, I'll need to be medicated by then.)
Okay, enough random bitching....its time for me to blow outta here :)
Today's reason for losing weight: My first 5k of the year is less than 6 weeks away. I don't want to be too jiggly.
Today's goal: Keep on keeping on....

It's the little things

that annoy the crap out of me, or so I've realized. I'll admit that I've been trying to keep my annoyance level in check and have been doing pretty well. The fact that Mother nature stopped being a rotten slut and let the sun shine and heat come out for a few days may be helping that, but anywho... little things REALLY annoy me.
For instance...simple phone etiquette lesson. If I don't answer you the first time you call, hanging up and immediately hitting redial will not make me MAGICALLY answer. Furthermore if you feel the need to call me two times back to back, making me think you must REALLY need to talk to me, THEN LEAVE A FREAKING VOICEMAIL! If what you need is SOOO important that you must try incessantly to reach me, then it must be important enough to leave a message! FFS people. I'm either already talking to someone else and cannot answer the call waiting or I'm doing something like, shaving my legs or brushing me teeth, or I don't know, perhaps,  taking a shit.
Another thing....why must pant makers make pants with the silly little inside second or even third button? It never fails...I wait too long to go to the bathroom and when I finally make a break for it I get to the bathroom, doing the potty dance... I get buttons one and two unbuttoned and totally forget about button number three. In my haste to yank my pans down, the mysterious third button pops free--flies into the wall ricochets off of it and hits me square in the eye blinding me to the point where I fall off the toilet seat and piss on my shoe. STOP PUTTING IN THE THIRD BUTTON!
Weight loss is rolling along...now that its' warm I'm drinking lots of iced tea which is making me have to pee even more.
Gee I have a lot of potty references today, sorry. My mind must be in the toilet! Oh, I am so funny!
The rest of my garden in planted. I found a grape tomato plant and planted him, along with 4 bell peppers and one Anaheim pepper, along with one zucchini plant and a spaghetti squash and green beans. Usually I plant bush beans, this year I decided to plant pole beans, so..last night, I enlisted Drew's help in making a teepee of sorts out of fence posts and cattle panels. I plan to train my beans, along with my squash and zucchini to vine up it. Between my cattle panel teepee and my tomato filled tires my garden somewhat resembles a Christensen garage sale. (I think only my sister in law will understand that reference.) I decided to up the redneck ante on my gardening and "fertilize" a little. I had Drew clean out of one of the livestock pens and fill the wheelbarrow with "fertilizer" which I mixed into my soil before planting. I would have preferred him to clean the horse pen versus the pig pen. I stood there gagging the entire time. I may be a farm girl, but there are few things that smell worse than pig shit. I can handle cattle shit and horse shit ANY time, but pigs, eeesh....anywho, we will hope like hell something grows this year, other than the weeds!

Alice in Wonderland

There are honestly some days where I feel like I have fallen down the hole and into some alternative universe where everything is left, when I'm going right and then everything is right when I'm going left. I had a few moments over the weekend that made me seriously stop and say, "What the fuck?"But anywho, that is a totally different story meant for a different time.
Food wise over the weekend did well, stayed on track..my L&G was split in two on Saturday, that was really the only thing that deviated from plan and that's truly not a plan deviation.
Weigh in was this morning, down 6 pounds..whooo-hooo! Looking for 1-2 pounds next week, week two usually sucks.
I planted a partial garden yesterday. Tomatoes, cabbage and cauliflower, hopefully, we'll get something this year. I fertilized the ground before planting and planted my tomatoes in tires. My aunt does this and has tremendous luck, so...we shall see. I plan to plant zucchini, green beans and peppers, too. Hopefully I'll get that done tonight.
Not much more to report or say, I'm on a break from stuporvisors meeting. (closed session, got kicked out) so I'll try to be back later with something more interesting to say!

Quick note

I have a 7 year old home puking, so just a quick stop at the office and a quick post to you stalker friends. I would hate to leave you hanging after not even a week back in the saddle...
Narrowly avoided epic failure last night. Sick daughter. Son at a track meet didn't get home until 10 and "can't find a ride." (I hate when he pulls this card. He never asks. I'm sure there are several people who drive home within 5 miles of our home and would happily take him if we would ask, but I digress.) And of course no husband to be found....this is when I start to think about cookie dough. But alas, no cookie dough touched the lips, or the hips, however, I did eat a 6th MF meal of brownie bottom PB soft serve.
My skewed perception kicked in again yesterday, although in reverse. I picked up a couple of pairs of pants at a garage sale yesterday "thinking" they would fit, no problem. Then I got home and reminded myself, "Lardass, you gained back 20 pounds." These pants come no where close to fitting. At least I didn't spend a lot on them. They are now hanging on the wall of my bedroom staring at me. Mocking me. (Along with a pair of size 11 Hollisters I found at a second hand store that have zero elastic in them so they had zero chance of fitting, even when i was at my lowest last December.) So....that is what I will try to think of when anger, frustration, annoyance and other "issues" make me reach or long for cookie dough. I will take the pants of the wall, I will hug them and love them and stroke them and call them George. I will try them on and remind myself of how far or close I am from fitting them and I will be inspired. At least that's the plan. There is a small part of me that thinks I may try them on and say, "See Lardass--you ain't fitting these, grab the cookie dough." (Gee my inner monologue makes it sound as tho I have rolls of cookie dough filling my refrigerator, which I don't: cookie dough to me, seems like it is a universal happy food.) I will try to beat that person down, that naysayer that Debbie Downer. Progress and smaller ass that is what we're looking for here folks.
Today's reason for losing weight: The afore mentioned skinny jeans that mock me incessantly.
Today's goal: While home with sick Miss Jaci, avoid the urge to snack mindlessly, even if it is on pickles, celery or by splitting a L&G.

Stealing!

Yep, that's me, filling this post with a bunch of stolen shit! Here's the first thieved thing:
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” - Winston Churchill-That's deep shit right there folks. I like it though. Kind of puts things into perspective, don't it?
Another stolen item:

Chocolate Mint Ice Cream Brownie Bottoms

Ingredients:

1 Medifast Brownie Mix

1 Medifast Chocolate Mint Soft Serve Mix

3/4 cup + 3 tbsp water, divided

Directions:

Spray two ramekins with cooking spray. Mix brownie mix with 3 tablespoons of water and divide into two prepared dishes. Microwave for 1 to 1 1/2 minutes or until done. Set aside and let cool completely.

Mix soft serve with 3/4 cup water in shaker jar.  Pour mixture over the two brownies, dividing evenly.

Freeze for atleast 1 hour.

Meals: 2

This is the recipe to use up the soft serve, I referred to earlier today. Much easier than blending the shaved ice and all that crap for the soft serve and it did make it taste better. I actually used the peanut butter soft serve and just split it between two little plastic containers, because I'm not a high society enough bitch to own "ramekins". My high society-ness lies between Swamp People and ramekins. I think I am going to try to just mix the brownie batter with the soft serve, like swirl it in and make a brownie batter peanut butter soft serve, we'll see how that goes.

Now for my random thoughts: Garbage sale weekend has arrived, the insanity begins, psychos are arriving by the van load stealing shit out of each other's arms and haggling over nickles. I'm really glad I didn't decide to participate this year. (I am grateful to Jenny and Jerri tho, cheap jeans for me and the kiddos--thanks gals!)

So there seems to be a debate over whether OBL (thats Osama Bin Laden to the lay folks) was killed or assassinated. WHO GIVES A FUCK! The scurvy son of a bitch is dead. There seems to be some who are saying justice was not served because he didn't have a trial. Now, I know an actual justice system cannot work like this, but here's what I think; There are some criminals/crimes/circumstances in which a trial is not needed. Bin Laden masterminding the death of thousands of Americans who were ASSASSINATED and then bragging about it to his dress wearing cronies. GUILTY. Shoot the bastard no trial needed. Phillip and Nancy Garrido; Kidnapp and rape of Jaci Lee Duggard. UMMM she was found in a hut in the backyard with her two daughters spawned by Garrido. GUILTY: castrate and then drown the son of a bitch, no trial needed, then lock wifey Nancy in a room with Jaci's mother and let her give her a little "justice." Again, no trial needed. Jeffery Dahmer--body parts cooking on the stove and in wrappers in the freezer. Dig a whole and bury him. Guilty. No trial needed....I'm just sayin'.

I am amused by the message board posters who are ranting about Osama and erroneously type Obama. Most posters on public message boards ain't real bright.

I continue to be amazed at the amount of extra on some extra larges and the extreme lack of it in others. Honestly, we can send people into space and create drugs that give 90 year olds boners, but we can't determine universal sizing? I have a jacket that is a size XL that i swear to GOD my seven year old couldn't fit. I then have a pair of shorts that are XL that Dan and I can wear at the same time. Not that we've tried, he'd enjoy it too much, but seriously, they are freaking huge.

I CAN"T believe I managed to do this, but I did. Ma and sis in law were over and needed one for the ditch. I had no beer, but I did have two partial bottles of wine in the fridge. I gave them each a to go cup and had a little left in each bottle and I...YES ME...poured the left overs down the sink. I cried the entire time I did it. (kidding) But I did it. On plan bitches!

Today's reason for losing weight: To fit back into my $150 jeans that I miss...and into the new $150 jeans that are on my radar..and so I can buy a new sparkle belt because the one I love, while still fits has lost a few grommets.

Today's goal: Keep up the good work on the water. (I think I had plenty yesterday, I had to get up to pee twice in the middle of the night.)

Cinco De Mayo

So, I tried being Betty Crocker last night: I made a new recipe, which I have posted below (keep in mind the narrative is from the blog I stole it from, my additions are in different type). It was really pretty good and I think I will make a few tweaks to it to make it better. I tried making zucchini chips last night too, but my slices were uneven so some are not too crispy, I'll report on those later when I try to eat them. Speaking of zucchini, I am tempted to plant some in my garden, which my brother in law, graciously came to til, HOWEVER, legend has it zucchini multiplies faster than than the chicks on Teen Mom, so I am a bit hesitant. IF I decide to plant some, be prepared to find bags of it mysteriously left on your doorsteps.
OH I also tried ANOTHER new recipe, I will post that later, don't want you to have recipe overload on this post, its perfect for using up the soft serve you got duped into buying. For those of you who like the soft serve, I mean no offense, but perhaps a head examination is necessary? I mean the shit just isn't worth the hassle. Anywho..soft serve recipe, look for it later today...unfortunately, I have nothing more insightful or entertaining to share today, but its early, I might think of something and post it.

TACO BAKE: Perfect for Cinco de Mayo! I wanted to add more meat and less cheese than what the recipe called for because of the sodium content plus it is a lot of cheese! The crust has a ton of cheese in it already so I reduced the cheese on top by half. I also wanted more sauce with my meat which is why I added more tomato puree. To make the tomato puree, all you need to do is chop some tomatoes and put them in a blender. That's it! Pretty simple, huh?(Well, to me, this made a pretty soupy puree, so in the future, I would go ahead and blanch the tomatoes, to remove the skin and cook them a little bit before pureeing, you have plenty of time to do so while you're waiting for the crust to bake. I also added the green chilies right into the puree. A can of Rotel might be a whole hell of a lot easier.) I didn't add any salt because of the taco seasoning. I cut the recipe below in half so that I only made 4 servings because 8 servings is a bit much for just me. This allowed me to have a serving today, a serving tomorrow and 2 servings for the freezer. I just put a serving of the taco bake in a disposable Ziploc container and placed it in the freezer for another day. This makes it wonderful for those days you just don't feel like cooking. Enjoy!

This is definitely pure comfort food! A taco meat mixture topped with cheese and baked over a cream cheese and cheddar or Mexican cheese crust!

The crust before it is placed in the oven.

Ground taco meat mixture spread over the baked crust and then sprinkled with cheese.

Nice and hot out of the oven!

Taco Bake (I cut this in half)

Slightly adapted from Rosalu from the Medifast Forums

Ingredients:

Crust

8 tbsp or 1/2 cup reduced fat cream cheese, softened (8 Condiments)

1/4 cup egg beaters (0.125 Lean)
5 tbsp Fat free half and half (5 Condiments)(Sorry, but where the fuck do you find FF half and half? I didn't find any in Audubon, didn't use any not sure what it would do)

1/2 teaspoon taco seasoning  (.25 Condiment)

8 ounces low fat Mexican cheese blend, shredded (2 Lean)

Topping

24.37 ounces 93% fat free Jennie-O ground turkey, cooked (4.875 Lean)(Fucking get real. 24.37 ounces? Since I half this recipe and use a little less cheese on top, I brown a whole pound of lean ground beef, then weigh out four servings. If I have some left over, I just tuck it in a ziploc for future use. 24.37 ounces, please bitch.)

4 teaspoons taco seasoning (2 Condiments)

1 cup tomato puree - tomatoes chopped then pureed to equal 1 cup (4 Greens)

4 ounces chopped green chilies (8 Condiments)

4 ounces Mexican cheese blend, shredded (1 Lean)

Directions:

For the crust, beat the cream cheese and eggs until smooth. Add the cream and seasoning. Grease a 9"x13" baking dish; spread the cheese over the bottom. Pour in the egg mixture as evenly as possible.(The shit doesn't pour, perhaps if I had the FF half and half it would, I'll try and remember it the next time I go out of town, but then I will be stuck wondering what to do with a pint, minus 2 1/2 tablespoons of FF 1/2 and 1/2.) Bake at 375ºF, 25-30 minutes. Let stand 5 minutes before adding the topping.

For the topping, brown the hamburger; drain fat. Stir in the seasoning, tomato sauce and chilies. Spread over the crust. Top with cheese. Reduce oven to 350ºF and bake another 20 minutes or so until hot and bubbly.

Serve with your favorite veggies!(Now, what I did, since I was working with zucchini anyway was shred some up and browned it with my hamburger. Its one of those sneaky-ass mom tricks to get the family to eat vegetables when they don't even know it. They happily ate their pizza mac and had no freaking clue there was green shit in it! I added some chopped tomato diced green pepper to it too before baking. I then topped it with some more chopped tomato and shredded lettuce.)

8 servings with 1 Lean, 3 Condiments, and 1/2 Green per serving (You will need 2 1/2 more greens per serving) (As written, again, I cut the recipe in half and added more veggies to equal the 3 servings and I didn't count the green chilies as a condiment I put a spoonful of them in my puree and considered it part of vegetables. Besides, aren't chili peppers vegetables?)

I'm learning

that we weight loss bloggers are evil people. Let me explain; because I am, shall we say, "NEW" to this lifestyle change, (I say new because that's how I need to treat this) I am scanning blogs/websites for other people who are on this journey. I will find one or two sites that are interesting and 98% of them have links to THEIR favorite or inspiring sites, so I proceed to click on over. What I find interesting and could probably be the basis for some multi-million dollar scientific study is that when we are doing well, we post like crazy. We share recipes, we brag about our accomplishments, we are She-Ra Warrior Princesses parading around with caramel nut bars in hand and powerade zeros in our cupholders. When we start to fall off plan, we lament about it for a few posts, beat ourselves up about it tell you all, "that's it...I'm starting over tomorrow...or the next day" or 'I'm NEVER doing that again" or "I was SOOO bad last night/week/year" and then we up and stop posting. (Sound familiar stalker friends?) To me the real victory lies in those of us, who actually come back and start seriously blogging again. Daily. (Or in my case, everyday but weekends and holidays because I am to cheap to buy high speed internet at home.) I say this with exception to the few who continue to blog about their failures and misgivings and lack of ability to "stay on plan" when they aren't attempting "THE PLAN." They are making a plan of their own. Sorry Sweetcheeks, but doing it "on your own" is what got you to almost 300 pounds, creating a plan "of your own" probably won't help. I'm just saying. And maybe this particular blogger will attempt to make her own plan that works, but I'm not sticking around to read about it.... So, in my attempt to get back on track, I will not become a ghost blogger disappearing when times get tough and I will not bitch about the plan not working if I am "not working the plan." Because that's just not how I am going to roll, anymore.
Now, on to other things---
People who have pets whose names start with Dr. or Mr. like Mr. Tuxedo Paws REALLY freak me out. They are super scary. Like, rank right up there with snakes and serial killers type scary. The only animals that should have Dr. or Mr. in front of their names are registered papered critters like bulls and horses and breeding dogs and are never referred to as such.
I'm intrigued by the whackjobs from the Westboro who are coming to Manning this afternoon and there is a part of me that wants to drive up there and witness their protest. It almost feels like I would be some small part of history if I did, but then there is a larger part of me that just wants to completely ignore them because they thrive on attention and publicity and I don't want to give them that satisfaction.  I abhor all that they do and stand for, but in the same instance, if the media and the general public stopped giving them the attention they so obviously desire, they may start to go away, or at least become smaller. Or as others on Facebook have suggested, we need to figure out who their family members are and start protesting at their funerals.
Mother Nature, you continue to be a Dirty Whore. In fact, I believe you have crossed Dirty Whore status and are now venturing into Filthy Cuntbucket status. It looks BEAUTIFUL outside, but its windy and its still a bit chilly.
I find it interesting that I adore flip flops but I really don't like those little ballet flat type shoes. If I can't have flip flops, give me heels or boots.
I know i posted this on FB the other night, but seriously, watching Swamp People makes me feel like a high society bitch. I honestly cannot believe that there are people who A. live like that. B. do that for a living and C. talk like that. Wow. I honestly can't believe that its "must watch TV" at our house. I cannot turn away.
Oh well, I think that is all for now...I have some white cheddar soy puffs and a pomegranate cherry crystal lite calling my name. Later gators.

Giddy-up

Yes, cowpokes, Giddy the fuck up...pardon the cowgirl references, but last night, I actually got back in the saddle. Literally. I rode a horse. A tall one at that. I had last been on a horse, last summer I think, before this journey started. It was Jack, our shorter, older, tamer, has one speed and that is walk-horse. I needed a bucket to get on him. I could not put my foot in the saddle and swing my other leg over him. Last night, I put my foot in the stirrup on the saddle that was on Star, our younger MUCH taller, has more spunk-horse and swung my leg right over, no hesitation, no hop, no needing a bucket. SO, while in the back of my mind I am still thinking of my miserable failures in the last 6 weeks, at least I have SOME semblance of a victory. We only rode for about 20 minutes, but it was nice. Something I haven't been able to do in a long time, so it felt good.
I was on plan yesterday, all day. Which also felt good. I ate mostly liquids in my five and one. Two puddings, a chicken noodle soup and a bar. I had a broccoli/squash mix and a piece of flat iron steak for my l&g. The flat iron cooked wasn't enough protein, so I had a boca burger about an hour after that, with mustard, pickles and WF BBQ sauce. I was reminded that while I don't mind boca burgers, Morningstar Farms are much better. I think its the fact that the Boca patties are a funny tannish grayish kind of color that doesn't even remotely look like a burger and they are quite mushy. In fact it kind of looks like what we feed Drew's 4-h pigs, formed into a patty. yummy, huh?
Today, I had a chocolate pudding, planning to have another one in about a half an hour. I also have a chicken noodle soup and am hoping I can do some pretzels this afternoon. While the steak and veggies went down okay, my stomach still wasn't happy to meet them. My L&G for tonight is going to be a taco bake, the recipe which I found on that blog I mentioned the other day. I plan to top it with an assload of lettuce and fresh tomatoes. If it turns out I will post the recipe here.
I know I am not to exercise at this point, because frankly kids, I am a newbie again. I am starting fresh, so, I am to wait until week three which is May 16 before I am to exercise, BUT, I plan to do the Wellness Walk on Friday, I will walk at a leisurely pace, not over doing anything and I will feel good about it. Damnit. I also encourage any of you, if you are free, or if you can get away for any amount of time, to join me. I think we may even close our office for the hour and a half that the walk lasts so we can all participate and help the students reach their goal of 1,000 walkers. It starts at approximately 10:15.
Today's reason for losing weight: I want to be the "She's YOUR wife?" again, when I'm with Big D, that was a pretty good feeling. Yes, he's a lucky son of a bitch.
Today's goal: Increase my water. I'm pretty good with water intake, but I haven't made it back up to the peeing every 20 minutes all afternoon level that I once was at.

A slap in the face

That is what weigh in was yesterday. A slap in the face. Yes, hiding from the scale was not a smart thing to do. I KNOW that. It was an "easier" thing to do though. Weigh in was yesterday. It was at least 20 pounds of gain. I honestly cannot remember what my last weigh in weight was, I didn't like what it read yesterday and I know its at least a 20 pound gain. :( Not at all the direction I need to go, BUT there is small victory in the fact that the scale has appeared in the bathroom once again and I am not hiding from it.
There is also small victory in the fact that since about 2 p.m. Sunday I have had a violent bout of stomach flu/stomach bug whatever you want to call it. I have had ZERO appetite and have had trouble keeping anything down. Its made days one and two of the plan very easy to follow. Only, I didn't follow it exactly because i couldn't get my lean and green down yesterday. I just had six MF meals and one sugar free jello. I had one cup of coffee and couldn't even finish it. YES, stalker friends, I was sick. I usually have a POT of coffee.
I had a pudding for breakfast today and a bar at 10ish. It took ALOT to get the bar chewed up and down and it was a caramel nut, which is my favorite. I just couldn't stand solid food yet. I have a chicken noodle soup "brewing." I have steak thawing out, which I hope I get to eat with some broccoli. Real found is actually sounding good, but smelling it may be a different story. While being sick sucks, this time, its helping. :)
Today's reason for losing weight: (I thought I should bring this back, so I can regain my mojo and remind myself why I do this) I want to wear a pair of tight ripped up jeans with a tank top, my sparkle belt and my boots and look cute, not lumpy.
Today's goal: Eat my lean and green and remember to measure everything.